Rings of being

As you know, I’m struggling with a lot of emotions related to my work situation; viz: I’m going to be laid off mid-May. Since I was given the six-month fixed-term offer back in November, I was knocked out for a month by surgery/recovery, and my company as well as every other one in tech has downsized by thousands, so there’s a lot to worry about.

Which is something I’m good at.

So for today’s National Poetry Month and Gratitude Monday entry, I’m going to try to draw strength from gratitude and share something by the Thirteenth-Century Persian Sufi mystic, Rumi.

“Be empty of worrying”

Be empty of worrying
Think of who created thought
Why do you stay in prison
When the door is so wide open
Move outside the tangle of fear thinking
Live in silence
Flow down and down
Into always widening
Rings of being

I do confess it’s hard for me to let go of the fear, to look through the wide-open door; especially now. OTOH, I have done that in the past, and the result was what I refer to as playing to win. In recent months, I’ve drifted into playing not to lose, and it’s difficult to correct course, especially when you’re full of worrying.

Well—here’s a first step: I’ve scheduled total knee replacement surgery on my left knee for 1 June. There’s so little I feel I can control about my life right now, but I can get this taken care of. It’ll be after I’m separated from my employer, but I’ll take COBRA coverage, so in terms of the physical, emotional and insurance components, I have a good idea what to expect.

I’m marshalling my support system, getting my posse to help me through What Comes Next. To the extent possible, I’m choosing joy over fear thinking and gratitude for what I have over worry about what may or may not come.