Friday, September 6, 2019

Online help


Back in May, when I met up with a Twitter friend in the National Gallery in Dublin, she kept her two kids amused by letting them watch YouTube videos. I commented, “How did we ever live before YouTube.”

Her reply: “We packed bags of coloring books and crayons.”

But we got onto the topic of YouTube as a source of tutorials, and I remarked that one of my colleagues does all kinds of car repairs by looking up symptoms and watching videos on how to fix them. Even I was reassured when I first started making pizza dough when I checked and, yes, dough crawling up the dough hook is totally within normal parameters.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, the arm to the handle of one of my toilets broke, and I finally got round to trawling Google for how to replace it. Sure enough, there were plenty of videos. Looked pretty easy. So, I dropped by the Home Depot and perused the plumbing aisle. One of their staff members asked if I needed help, and I said I needed to replace a toilet handle assembly. He asked where the handle was located; the side. Then, what brand toilet it was.

Well, naturally I had no clue. But he pointed to a Koehler product and said that one works for most. I picked it up and he asked one more question.

“Do you know which way it turns?”

I totally was ready. “It’s reverse-threaded.”

His face lit up and he patted me on the arm. “Very good!”

“YouTube!”

So I went home and followed the video instructions, et voilĂ :


Turns out it is a Koehler, so totally hardware compatible.




Thursday, September 5, 2019

Behind the scenes


The video that should have been all over TV in the Bible Belt during the 2016 elections has been uncovered and is making the rounds on the Interwebs. You know—the 2015 Bloomberg Politics interview in which Cadet Bonespurs is completely stumped when asked what his favorite verses are. He can’t even choose between the Old and New Testaments; apparently he didn’t know there were two of them.

Like the two Corinthians.

Well, that video is hilarious in its own right, and levels yet another charge of hypocrisy against all the evangelicals who believe their god personally sent a lying, greedy, thieving, cruel, blaspheming, gluttonous, fornicating kleptocrat to run the United States. Because your average atheist could have answered more questions about the Bible than the self-proclaimed Chosen One.

Well, but it turns out there’s a guy in the UK named Michael Spicer, who does a kind of Randy Rainbow mashup (without the music and flamingo pink glasses), and now it all becomes clear:


I am never going to be able to listen to this buffoon stumble his way through congratulating Poland on the 80th anniversary of the Nazi invasion or bragging about our “great relationship” with Colombia and FARC without looking for his earpiece and imagining Spicer somewhere at the other end of the com line.



Wednesday, September 4, 2019

Say aaah


I’ve never been much of a fan of bossa nova, but back in the sixties it was a whole thing. “The Girl from Ipanema” was probably the best known example; at some point it went from a Sinatra cover to elevator music.

It was in something like the latter capacity—music playing in a store—that I was reminded of it last week, and the opening lyrics stuck with me: “Tall and tan and young and lovely.”

Yeah. Back in 1962 when the song was written, she might have looked something like this:


Every man’s dream, right?

But it occurred to me to wonder, if she carried on walking to the sea every day, under the Brazilian sun, what might she look like today, after all those decades at the beach?



Be careful what you wish for.



Tuesday, September 3, 2019

Pop quiz


You know those “quizzes” that Facebook serves up? The ones allegedly meant to test your smarts in history or literature or pop culture? (In fact, taking them—or answering any of those “how many of these things have you done?” lists—just feed the platform and its real customers data for marketing to you.)

I don’t take them, but sometimes they’re really funny. Pretty sure whoever put together this one didn’t quite understand the notion of giving too many clues:





Monday, September 2, 2019

Gratitude Monday: workers in progress


I don’t know when, exactly, it became Received Wisdom that anyone whose income is derived from salary or wages instead of from investments is a chump. Possibly that started during the Reagan administration, but it certainly has achieved wide circulation in the past 20 years.

We see it all the time in the commoditization of labor in all forms, from bus boys to software engineers, who across the board put in work weeks that would have sent unions out howling on picket lines just 60 years ago. At the lower end, they work two or three jobs to earn a subsistence living; at the upper they risk being replaced by offshored equivalents if they don’t chalk up 60-hour weeks on a regular basis to meet ludicrous schedules.

And all along the way they are ridiculed and demonized as being, at heart, slackers, moochers and unimaginative losers. (If their skin pigmentation contains higher quantities of melanin, then the opprobrium is proportionately greater.) Because if they had any gumption at all, we’re told, they’d have either inherited some wealth, managed hedge funds for obscene fees, or come up with the Next Great Thing (“the Google/Uber/iPhone of [whatever]”) and sold it just after some overhyped IPO and moved on to something else.

In the Valley They Call Silicon, the big dogs all call themselves Serial Entrepreneurs, and venture capitalists fall all over themselves to throw money at them for their next big cookie-cutter thing. The people who do the actual building may or may not make a couple hundred large if they happen to be there when lightning strikes; but they can equally find themselves looking for another job if the serial entrepreneur in a neighboring building’s cookie-cutter thing goes IPO first.

(As for the people who clean the offices, deliver the snacks in the stocked kitchens and drive the corporate commuter buses—they’re all contractors, working for a series of interchangeable vendors with no concern for health, safety or proper accounting practices. The vendors don’t care who the contractors are; the client companies don’t care who the vendors are. All that matters is who’s going to cost the least.)

Because it’s all about the short-term big payoff, not about long-term growth. Only slackers, moochers and unimaginative losers think about long-term commitments; winners aim to take it all. Now.

This being Labor Day, the serial entrepreneurs, investment bankers and trust fund babies are doing whatever they do in their substantial cushion of comfort. The workers are marking the official end of summer, maybe barbecuing or hitting the retail sales. I’m thinking about the generations of men and women who literally put their lives, their subsistence (no fortunes for these folks) and their sacred honor on the line so that workers could receive fair wages for their labor, so that they could perform that labor under safe working conditions and so that they could build pension plans that meant they wouldn’t have to work literally to death.

These were radical notions 150 years ago—the very idea that sharing out some of the proceeds of productivity with its producers was just cray-cray. But those radical notions—and the radical men and women who fought for them—brought the United States to its zenith of innovation and prosperity. When the labor tide rose, so did everyone’s boat.

Sadly, that tide has receded. We are continually being told that American companies cannot compete in the world economy if they have to think about the welfare of their employees. In their minds (as always), welfare = unearned largesse, AKA the dole. No, every penny that doesn’t go to executive compensation must be pinched to the limit by longer hours, tighter budgets and lower taxes unless we want all those jobs manufacturing goods and providing remote services to go overseas. This current administration, comprising as it does Goldman Sachs execs, CEOs of oil companies and alt-reich racists and misogynists led by the Grifter-in-Chief screaming about turning back the tide of immigration, is only marginally more open about this kind of contempt than Republicans have been since little Newtie’s Contract with America.
The fact that the Business Roundtable of Fortune 500 CEOs recently announced that it’s possible that corporations might owe the environment, the community and their employees more than a royal rogering is, so far, only talk. And last month at the Royal Dutch Shell plant in Pennsylvania, union workers were forced to choose between "attending" the Kleptocrat's speech or losing a day's work. A plant manager told reporters the company was treating it as a "training" event with the guest speaker being the orange buffoon. We have so much ground to recover.

I think we’ve hit a situation where a small percentage (say, one percent) of the people have been eying that goose that lays such beautiful golden eggs, and they’re convinced that there’s a simple way to release an immediate gush of gold shareholder value by applying this cleaver to its neck…

And I’m probably just being contrary when I say that I perceive something flawed in that strategy. But I do not see how an economy can grow if you strangle the buying power of those who actually build it.  

Thus, I am (as always) grateful to the people who fought for the value of labor in real life-and-death struggles for decades in the 19th and 20th Centuries, and for those who continue that fight in these gig economy times. Mother Jones, Wobblies, resisters and all of you—thank you.