Saturday, December 20, 2014

All things bright & beautiful

Not sure whether Wired does these roundups of the week’s weirdest animal encounters on a, you know, weekly basis. If they do, I’m not sure why I’ve not come across them before this, but I’m totally glad I’ve found this one. Because…I just know that you cannot make this stuff up.

I mean—a “free-ranging monkey” (is that like free-range chickens?) “terrorizing” the suburbs of Marseille? Because it fell in with a bad lot of human monkeys who (wait for it) fed it the simian equivalent of junk food, chocolates. Le petit singe had to be Tased and is presumably currently in detox, with rehab to follow. Then: the appearances on the talk-show circuit.

New Jersey looms large in this weird in the wild. Well, as you’d expect, I suppose, because…New Jersey. Pink geese, rampaging rams; you gotta love it. Plus, the woman who will not believe the obvious explanation for her unicorn sighting goes a long way to explain the outcome of last month’s elections.

Kudos to the Amherst students who look upon their visiting moose as an opportunity to rethink their school mascot. I hope they give the new representative the obvious name of Bullwinkle. They could then take on a new persona in keeping with that celebrity’s own academic institution.


As for the orangutans at the Paignton Zoo in England: if I opened a Christmas package only to find Brussels sprouts, I’d wrap myself in burlap, too.



Friday, December 19, 2014

Any port in a storm

The other night I had a girls’ night out with a couple of friends and we exchanged our Christmas gifts. One of the prize ones for me was a paper menorah.

Look, I love any festival that involves light in the darkness, and I don’t understand why I have not acquired a menorah across the years, but Amy and Natalie made that right. It was even better because I unwrapped it exactly three minutes before Hanukkah officially started.

Plus Amy and Natalie knew how to put it together. I was basically useless.

Anyhow, we “lighted” the shamash and the first night’s candle, and then we went out for the traditional Persian meal.


We spent the rest of the evening driving around the Valley They Call Silicon, looking at holiday light displays.

Well, the next day I was cleaning up the menorah detritus, and had a good look at the package. First of all, I hadn’t realized it’s called “Port-a-Menorah”; but there it is.


But what I really got a kick out of was the blurb on the back:


Specifically, the product comparison matrix between the traditional menorah and the Port-a-Menorah:


It seems that one of the benefits of this version is that it’s “not a fire hazard.”

But only, apparently, if you don’t set it on fire.

I totally love these Port-a-Menorah people.



Thursday, December 18, 2014

What was that flash?

Y’all know what a sucker I am for a flash mob. There’s something about the ephemeral nature of masses of individuals stepping out of a crowd, putting on a bang-up performance of one piece and then melting back into the environment. You truly have to be in the moment to catch it.

The people who started it all for me are the Random Acts of Culture lot and the Opera Company of Philadelphia. You’ll possibly recall their stupendous “Hallelujah Chorus” at the old Wanamaker’s mother ship in Philadelphia.

Well, the one I’m sharing with you today is in an Ikea, which turns out to be a terrific setting for the Papageno-Papagena duet from The Magic Flute.


Seriously—that birdlike popping up from amongst the housewares and faux foliage. Priceless.


Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Catastrophic failure

Right—time for some holiday glitz. And cats. Can’t have Christmas without tree-related catastrophes.


Seriously—I’ve experienced one or two of these situations, and all I can say is: if you’re putting up a tree in a pwned environment, stock up on spirits. You’ll need every drop.



Tuesday, December 16, 2014

In the bleak midwinter

The Ardennes is a tricky place—thickly forested with dense brush among the trees. You can’t imagine getting an infantry company through the area, much less a fully-mechanized army, with armor and artillery. But that’s exactly what the Germans did in May, 1940, surprising the daylights out of the French and British, who’d assumed the region essentially defended itself.

The Allies never recovered, and within six weeks, the British had retreated across the Channel, and the French had signed an armistice with the Germans.

In December 1944, the Ardennes again was lightly defended, mostly by American troops, many of whom were brand-new replacements—not combat veterans. Following the debacle at Arnhem in September, Allied dreams of the war being over by Christmas had shattered, but they at least thought they’d get something of a respite, so this sector was not considered at-risk. It was hard enough just staying warm in one of the coldest winters on record, and mostly without winter gear—not even gloves.

A lot of units that had been fighting across France since June had been pulled back from the front lines and the men given leave. Despite being aware that German forces were massing in the area of Aachen, Allied leaders were counting on the perfectly ghastly weather to provide their primary defense against attack. On 16 December, the British popinjay-in-chief Montgomery reported with his usual ex cathedra assurance, “The enemy’s situation is such that he cannot stage major offensive operations.”

But on 16 December (the day Montgomery also put in for Christmas leave to go to England) the Germans poured 200,000 men, including two Panzer armies spearheaded by 1st SS Panzer Division into the Ardennes, directly at the American line. The overall troops were mixed, including tough veterans and scrapings of the very old and the very young from the Volkssturm. (Many of the numbers were leached from the armies facing the Soviets, thus substantially weakening the defenses in the east.)

Nonetheless, they had the advantage of total surprise (due to the failure of Allied intelligence to correctly interpret what data they did receive, which was less than usual because the Germans maintained strict radio silence), as well as that of facing largely inexperienced American replacements, thinly dispersed across the sector. And then there was the weather, with solid cloud cover rendering aerial reconnaissance impossible.

Plus—Panzers and SS divisions are never anything to be shrugged off.

When I consider the Ardennes campaign (which became known as the Battle of the Bulge because of the salient the Germans drove through the American line), what always stops me is how cold it was for those soldiers. I’m from Los Angeles; I know nothing from cold. Even after living in some seriously cold places, being in freezing weather has always been a matter of going from one warm place to another; not spending hours and days out in blowing snow, much less worrying about enemy infiltration.


I find horrifying the thought of huddling in shallow foxholes or makeshift shelters, being colder than you could ever imagine being and wondering if you’re completely alone in that frozen world, if you’ve been somehow forgotten in the Larger Execution of the War; no hot food, no radio, no TV, no video games, no electric blanket; nothing but snow, ice, mist and misery…

The coldest winter in years, with freezing fog making the world around them invisible. What a nightmare it must have been—to be in a foxhole, already scrabbling for warmth (not even gloves, remember?), just you and a couple of buddies, and suddenly you’re aswarm with assault troops you can’t see until they’re right on you.


Here’s the thing about this battle: while Allied commanders were emerging from their lousy intelligence-induced fugue, trying to assess the true nature of the attack and how to counter it, it was those weary, frightened, half-frozen untested infantrymen, in their twos and fives, who with rifle and grenade refused to give way. In the worst possible circumstances, they held their positions just long enough to scupper Hitler’s grand strategy.

Cut off from resupply, they fired and tossed until they had nothing left, which was just long enough for the generals to settle their whizzing contests and focus on the task at hand. Before Patton or even the 82nd and 101st could get there. They held off whatever was thrown at them until the weather broke on the 23rd and more than 2000 fighter sorties were launched, as well as air drops of food, weapons and ammunition.


In their shivering and hungry twos and sixes and squads and platoons, they delayed tank brigades and shock troops just long enough to totally wreck the plan and leave Hitler’s ability to wage war on either front vastly diminished. He could replace neither the men nor the matériel he’d spent so profligately trying to dislodge those infantrymen.


As you’re preparing for your holiday festivities, perhaps going from one warm place to another, spare a thought to those men who stood their ground, their frozen, isolated ground, with nothing but small arms and grit, to hold off Hitler’s last best hope in the bleak mid-winter 70 years ago.



(Photos from Time-Life.)



Monday, December 15, 2014

Gratitude Monday: Healing sounds

Writing yesterday’s post got me thinking about the healing properties of music.

The thing about music—especially in the Age of the Interwebs—is that it’s easy to acquire. A couple of clicks on a streaming site and a pair of earbuds, and you can be immersed in whatever type of music feeds your soul at any particular moment, whether it’s Jay Z or Prokofiev.

But also, as shown in this NPR story, creating music is a way for the bereaved and the broken to share their pain, and thereby mitigate it. When his six-year-old daughter Ana was killed two years ago at Sandy Hook Elementary School, jazz musician Jimmy Greene was devastated. It took him months to be able to face any sort of music, which was one of Ana’s great joys. But eventually he built an album around his daughter’s memory, Beautiful Life.


One of the cuts is Greene’s take on “Maybe”, one of Ana’s favorite songs, from the musical Annie. Greene’s soprano sax approximates his daughter’s voice beautifully.

You should listen to it.




Sunday, December 14, 2014

Songs of joy

I’ve been doing some thinking about joy recently. Which coincides nicely with this being Gaudete Sunday in the season of Advent.

There are many seasonal songs related to joy; one of my favorites is “Gaudete”, which dates well back into Renaissance times or beyond. The streaming of the polyphonies into and around each other makes me think of a flowing river, especially when sung a capella.

My favorite version is by Mediaevel Baebes. There’s something about the purity of all women’s voices to evoke the sense of joy for me.


Here are the refrain and first verse, in Latin and English, to get you started.

Gaudete, gaudete! Christus est natus
Ex Maria virgine, gaudete!

Tempus adest gratiæ
Hoc quod optabamus,
Carmina lætitiæ
Devote reddamus.

Rejoice, rejoice! Christ is born
Of the Virgin Mary – rejoice!

The time of grace has come—
what we have wished for,
songs of joy
Let us give back faithfully.

Here’s to joy—today and every day.