Two days in April

It was 150 years today that Confederate General Pierre Gustave Toutant Beauregard pulled his troops from Pittsburg Landing, Tennessee, leaving the field to Ulysses S. Grant’s Army of the Tennessee. It was the second day of what came to be known as the Battle of Shiloh, and it cost the Confederates their original commanding general, Albert S. Johnston, and nearly 11,000 casualties.

The Federals actually lost more men—more than 13,000 casualties—but they held the ground.

The first day, 6 April, was marked by Union confusion and retreat. In fact, Beauregard actually wired “a complete victory” to CSA president Jefferson Davis that evening. But even as that was being sent, Grant was reported to be having a laconic exchange with General William T. Sherman.

Sherman: Well, Grant, we’ve had the devil’s own day, haven’t we?”

Grant: “Yes. Lick ‘em tomorrow, though.”

Holding the field didn’t protect Grant from being maligned by the press. He was alleged to have been drunk before and during the fighting. And yet Abraham Lincoln, faced with demands for Grant’s replacement, said, “I can’t spare this man; he fights.” So Grant remained.

Shiloh was the bloodiest battle in US history. Up until that time.

But that record would be broken shortly, and for all time until now, in just a few months.

Good, clean fun...

Okay, another example of how the phrase "men are idiots" is redundant: three 20-year-olds in a Vancouver, B.C., suburb found themselves in the dark, drunk and by a self-serve car wash. Apparently they did have quarters, so they stripped stitch-stark naked, piled onto a convenient shopping cart and sent themselves through.

Evidently it was what you'd call a sobering experience.

But I'm betting we'll now be awash in similar reports from all over the world--wherever there are self-service car washes, liquor and 20-year-old males.

Health with good taste

Good news: in addition to the previous understanding of the health benefits of chocolate, it seems that “moderate” and “regular” consumption of it helps weight loss.

The NY Times reports on a new study indicating that people who eat chocolate often have a lower body mass index (BMI) than those who eat it less frequently. They don’t exercise more; don’t cut calories elsewhere. & it doesn’t seem to matter what kind of chocolate.

Well. Here’s to your good health.

Rain in Spain

Okay, I can’t tell whether this is the goods or just another “it’s-close-to-April-1^st” story, but I’ll pass it on anyhow. Last week I learned of an alleged strike by Spain’s “high-class” prostitutes, targeting bankers specifically in what might in high-tech terms be called a Denial of Service (DOS) attack. (Thanks to Roo for passing on the news.)

The UK’s Daily Mail reports that they’re, erm, cutting off the plutocrats until the banks start opening up credit lines for Spaniards who have, as you know, been really hit by the economic turmoil. So far, Snopes hasn’t debunked it, but I can’t find any corroborating report on this, so I’m reserving any serious judgment on any of the stakeholders (as it were).

Now, true or not, this reminds me of Lysistrata. That 2000-year-comedy by Aristophanes tells how the women of the various Greek city states collaborate to end the Peloponnesian War. By basically depriving their men of any what you might call home comforts. Wives, mistresses, prostitutes—they all agree to a pre-emptive DOS attack in this regard.

When the men realize the real cost of the ongoing war, they negotiate peace. Exeunt omnes, as the Bard used to say. I personally find it hysterical—some of the dialog is serious LOL stuff—although, I dunno, maybe men wouldn’t find it quite as entertaining. Sourpusses.

But where I’m really intrigued by the current state of affairs in Spain is the call girls’ targeting bankers. Because in Lysistrata the way the women of Sparta, Athens, Corinth & the other cities first grabbed the minds of their men (preparatory to grabbing their hearts) was by seizing the treasuries. They cut off funds for the fighting. When the soldiers came home to ask “WTF?” they responded, “Um, no—none of that, either.”

(As an aside, Aristophanes stole my story line. I found this out sitting in a poly sci class one summer, kind of drifting, as you do, when the professor described the basic plot. I was incensed, but I guess it’s really a universal kind of story. As another aside, Aristophanes gave us “cloud cuckoo land”, in The Birds. Really—why are they not reviving his plays?)

At any rate, if the Spain sex & money story is true, I give major props to the ladies of the night. & maybe the Occupy movement would like to take a pointer from the classics.

Fool's paradise

April Fool’s Day has been around for, well, kind of ever. But it really does seem as though it’s come into its own as a steam-releasing valve for tech companies (And those ready to grasp the Internet as schtick). This year I give you a few samples:

Google, of course, tops the list. Every year these guys come up with something, last April it was Gmail Motion. But this year’s entry, Gmail Tap, is just super:

I actually twigged to the spoof before “Todd Smith” closed the deal. But one of members of a tech download I subscribe to (who likes to trail a string of initials behind her name) announced that she was considering setting aside Swype for Tap. Until someone else pointed out the date of the "release".

If you’re interested in the full feature set, it’s here.

The goofy Googlers also rolled out an 8-bit Google Maps version for those nostalgic for the Pac-Man days, and a Really Advanced Search function that allows you to seriously specify criteria (including rhyming slang) and to filter by embarrassing grammatical faux pas or font.

(Of course—try any search and you land on a SERP for April Fool’s pranks.)

But, as I said, it’s not just the high-tech corporations capitalizing on the day. Another entry is from the City of Philadelphia. They’re “trialing” a distracted pedestrian lane this week—dedicated sidewalk space for people who text while walking.

I’m sure it’s all to do with the whole Brotherly Love thing.

And then there’s Taco Bell, who've moved way beyond the chihuahua. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the TacoCopter, co-opting drone tech for civilian applications. It’s in “private beta”, in the Bay Area only. 

But a member of another of my tech downloads fell for it, too.

So, mission accomplished.

News of the good, Part 2

You know, I’m heartened by the news that, less than 18 months after her release from house arrest, Aung San Suu Kyi has been elected to the Burmese Parliament. This could mark the beginning of the end of the 50-year-old military dictatorship.

Well, that may be counting one's chickens before the eggs have been laid, but we can hope.