User experience

Is there anyone out there who’s used Skype and actually believes this?

No, I didn’t think so.

About that customer experience...

I haven’t given you any tales from beyond the job hunt horrorfest lately, have I? No? Oh, alright, then. Here’s one.

A while ago a friend reached out to let me know that there was an opening in their marketing department that might be a good fit. And indeed it was—product marketing in a very interesting vertical (using data analytics to improve enterprise customer experience). There were a couple of stretch areas, but it was truly within my capabilities, and I’d have totally knocked it out of the park for them.

My friend very generously gave me some inside scoop on the organization and passed on my CV and cover letter to the hiring manager with his recommendation. Shortly after that a recruiter contacted me to set up a phone interview. (There was a bit of a glitch there—after I replied to her email she called me as though introducing herself and claimed not to have received my response. But…stuff does happen.)

I had a 30-minute call with the hiring manager, who is personable and professional, someone I’d be very happy to work with. I sent my follow-up email and basically let it go, because I’ve learned that it doesn’t pay to get too emotionally invested in these things. And sure enough—there was nothing but crickets for two weeks.

So I was somewhat surprised to subsequently receive another call from the recruiter, in which she informed me that she’d “had feedback from the team”, and that they were going to concentrate on candidates in Georgia and Virginia (where they have offices), with specific skills.

And anyway, my expected salary was beyond what they’re looking to pay.

Well—fair enough. Any of those criteria is legit. The job posting did say that it was a remote position, but employers are entitled to change their minds about…well, pretty much whatever crackbrained thing they want. Also—skills is skills, and they want what they want, even if what they want isn’t what they said they want.

However, I rather mildly observed that it wasn’t clear to me how I could be outside their pay range when we hadn’t had a discussion about salary at all.

Silence.

“Didn’t we have a phone call about this?”

No—the only conversations we had were about setting up the call with the hiring manager. (The original one and the rather frantic one she made 26 minutes before the scheduled call to ask me if I knew I was scheduled to talk with him, because she’d never actually confirmed with me.)

Silence.

“Well, this is just what the team is telling me.” (Keep in mind that I’d spoken with only the hiring manager, who did not in any respect strike me as possessing multiple personalities, and it’s not at all clear to me in what world a team consists of a single individual.)

Now—please see above about this company being in the “customer experience” field and just consider the irony of having this chick fronting for them. Yeah, yeah, I know—customers are one thing, prospective and current employees are another altogether.

At first I gave her a pass because she sounded young and out of her depth, but according to her LinkedIn profile she’s been a recruiter for 14 years, so I have no explanation other than incompetence. In which case I wonder how she stays employed.

But hey-ho. Here’s some advice, chickie, which I know will be beyond your understanding: I appreciate being notified of the status of my candidacy; that isn’t a given these days. But don’t try to embellish your story with facts that can be easily disproved.

Breakfast of losers?

The Telegraph ran a story last week on a study that indicates that chocolate cake at breakfast may help with weight loss.

When you drill down past the headline, it says that a “slice” of chocolate cake as “part of a balanced breakfast” is what the unnamed researchers are talking about. (It’s not clear to me whether this Professor Daniela Jakubowicz, of Tel Aviv University, was involved in the study or is just commenting on it. But I purely admire a journal called Steroids.)

There’s a lot about this that I don’t get.

First—what’s this “as part of a balanced breakfast” stuff? Chocolate cake is a balanced meal; it has cake and it has icing. That’s perfectly balanced.

But secondly—they keep throwing out the number of 600 calories for this allegedly balanced breakfast. If a slice of chocolate cake is 300 calories (which is the number the Telegraph is using) that leaves you 300 for…what? Two eggs and three slices of bacon are 450.

Okay—a bowl of oatmeal is 160, but I’m not eating that without cream and a little brown sugar. I’m also not eating an entire meal of nothing but carbs.

So, what do they want? A cup of Greek yoghurt and half a grapefruit? I’m just not getting this.

But while we’re here—let’s open the discussion on apple pie.

Canned Spam

This variant of the old “click on this attachment to find something to your advantage” spam appeared in my queue the other day:

It made me wonder if there are high school nerds in Dubuque or Biloxi using Google or Bing translate to compose similarly bad emails in Russian or Urdu or Yoruba to try to catch those people unawares?

Displaying respect

Back in the deep-dark bowels of history, in the 1960s, it was quite customary for householders to fly US flags on some holidays. My parents put out a pair on either side of the front porch on Memorial Day, Independence Day and Veterans Day. (For some reason Flag Day didn’t make the lineup.)

I used to love taking the two flags out of the coat closet, where they lived, unfurl them and slide the staffs into the holders affixed to the wooden pillars that flanked the front steps. They hung at a slight angle, so that you could see the beautiful, clear colors even if there was no wind.

We never hung them out in the rain, and we were careful to take them down, furl them tightly against the staffs and return them to the coat closet at dusk. Those were the rules.

It occurs to me that I hardly ever see flags flown in residential areas. I almost don’t expect it here in the Valley They Call Silicon, where people have their heads down disrupting technologies, shifting paradigms and being thought leaders, much too busy to consider acts of sacrifice by the men and women who go in harm’s way without thought of The Next Big Thing. Except as consumers of their killer apps.

They spend big bucks on Christmas light displays and Halloween extravaganzas, but hanging Old Glory is just too much of an effort. Plus—un-hip, you know.

(Also—more than 35% of the population around here is foreign born (a good portion of them on H1B visas), and therefore perhaps not particularly inclined to engage in displays of flag wavery.)

So I was rather heartened, on my walk around Mountain View, on Saturday to see this amid the carefully-groomed landscaping:

Respect.

Gratitude Monday: Not just a duty

On Memorial Day in previous years, I’ve written about how the Washington Post keeps the faces of the fallen before our eyes on a regular basis, and about Operation Homecoming, a stunning collection of writing about Iraq and Afghanistan  by service members and their families.

As our longest wars continue, this year two stories on NPR caught my attention, so I’m sharing them with you.

The first introduces us to the men and women at Dover Air Force Base who are responsible for the “dignified transfer” of the bodies of the fallen. There are no details on the actual process (you can refer to Operation Homecoming if you’d like to learn more); this is a glimpse into the people who perform this final service for those who served us.

The thing that struck me was that they all—military and civilian—feel they are performing more than a duty; they are answering a calling. And that amidst the grief that laps around them, they find joy in this purpose.

We are fortunate to have this look at Dover—then-Secretary of Defense Dick Cheney ordered the base closed to news media in 1991 when the coffins began coming in from Desert Storm, and the ban wasn’t lifted until 2009.

Another side of this—perhaps the first step in the final journey of a serviceman or servicewoman—is the notification of the next of kin of their loved one’s death by the Casualty Assistance Calls Officer (CACO). On Friday, NPR’s StoryCorps brought us Leslie Hurt, 39, a hospital corpsman in the US Navy, and a CACO.

She spoke of a different kind of casualty, the appalling number of military suicides. Their families, after all, have to be notified, too. Listen to her talk about that.

Like the people at Dover, Hurt says, “It’s not just a duty. You’re there to take care of the family in their time of need and tragedy.”

I’m grateful that someone is doing this with gentleness and grace, and I’m grateful that we are now allowed to understand this process.