Cocktail party

Going back at least two years, early in the reporting or Cadet Bonespurs’ criminal acts , someone on Twitter proposed an Impeachment Cocktail. I don’t remember the specifics, but I do recall that it didn’t strike me as particularly enticing.

Well, since Nancy Pelosi announced on Tuesday that the House will be opening an impeachment inquiry, the Interwebs have exploded with recipes and photos of contenders for the beverages to be imbibed alone or at impeachment parties. America is about to get as drunk as it did on 5 December 1933.

And here are a few of the possibilities:

However, I rather agree with this guy, who owns a drinking establishment in the District They Call Columbia:

Best practice

When you start work at a new employer, part of the onboarding process involves training in company policies. These days, the training is typically computer-based. Over the past week or so I’ve been taking about one per day, because some of them run longer than an hour.

Yesterday it was business ethics, followed by active shooter training, and I wanted nothing so much when I got home than to take a shower and watch non-stop puppy and kitten videos.

This downer was magnified by the knowledge that the current occupant of the Oval Office would fail the most basic ethical quiz, and the full understanding that “active shooter” is now embedded in our culture.

My workspace is about five meters from one of the entrances to the elevator lobby. The entrance, BTW, is double doors. Glass doors. So I’ll probably be one of the first victims.

If I’m not, I might be able to make it to the mothers’ room, which has a solid wood door and a heavy upholstered chair, which I might be able to shove against the door. Failing that, there’s also a microwave oven, which I could throw at the shooter; because in the event you can’t run or hide, “best practice” is to fight back.

Bring on the kittens and puppies.

Strange times

Well, well, well, well. Impeachment inquiry in the House. #MoscowMitch doesn’t block a (unanimous, as it happens) Senate motion calling for release of the whistleblower report. Whistleblower (who I hope to God is in a secure, undisclosed location) on track to testify in Congress. Cadet Bonespurs rage-tweeting in an orange-sweat meltdown.

Here’s what lies ahead in the next few months:

We got climbers

Just last week, Cadet Bonespurs was preening in front of the bit of his southern border wall that he’s desperately trying to sell to his knuckledragging, mouthbreathing racist followers as on its way to completion. He was bragging lying about how his “beautiful” wall is impenetrable and unclimbable. His rotting word salad, specifically:

“We have, I guess you could say, world-class mountain-climbers. We got climbers. We had 20 mountain-climbers. That’s all they do—they love to climb mountains. They can have it. Me, I don’t want to climb mountains. But they’re very good, and some of them were champions. And we gave them different prototypes of walls, and this was the only wan that was hardest to climb.”

Well, folks in Mexico have turned his “impenetrable” wall into a climbing competition tourist attraction.

So it is serving a benign purpose, after a fashion. Which is more than can be said for the increasingly sweatiily apoplectic Kleptocrat.

Gratitude Monday: the strength of friendship

As I’ve noted, many people helped me during my recent job hunt. Someone who has always encouraged and supported me was not called out earlier because she deserves a gratitude post all to herself.

I’ve known CA since before my first stint in the People’s Republic in the mid-90s. She and her husband own a photo/video studio and she’s one of the few people I know who have more books than I do. She’s got a terrific eye for design, composition and color; before I moved into this place, I showed her floor plans and realtor photos of the space, and followed her recommendations for how to arrange my furniture. (I’d also had her join my realtor and me once on the day I decided to make the offer.)

We get together for weekend breakfast as often as our schedules allow, so we can sort out all the world’s ills. Also, dish. Dishing is very important to one’s sanity.

Even though the corporate ecosystem is not her thing, CA always listens to my gripes and rants. She’s the one who leaves me little surprises at my front door (like an Easter basket of mustard greens for the brown bunny that likes to eat my herbs). Some years ago, I was struggling with trying to recapture the Tigger side of my personality, she sent me this guy:

He went with me in 2015 to the on-site interview I had for my last employer (in my handbag), and he went with me last month to the on-site interview with this one.

When I had to submit a bloody video for an innovations competition I was de facto never going to win a couple of years ago, CA and TM spent hours shooting and editing it for me. I may not have been the worst talent they’ve ever worked with, but I’m sure I’m in the top ten. They didn’t show it.

CA has encouraged my explorations. When I went to Ireland in May, she told me she loved my blog posts, and the photos. Some of the best (and most-needed) books I have on slowing down and taking breaths were gifts from her. Also, I have an amazing collection of fridge magnets and buttons with slogans like, "If they can send a man to the moon, why can't they send all of them?" and a Mark Twain quote, "While the rest of the human race are descended from monkeys, redheads are derived from cats."

On my Metro ride home the day I had the Dalìesque discussion with the head of HR, I texted her with the news. Her immediate response: let’s have dinner at the club (the local golf club of which she and her husband are members). She fed me.

In the time since that dinner, CA’s commented several times that I seem much stronger than I have in the past. She’s right, and it’s really heartening that she validated my sense of what’s going on. Every time I passed through a gate in this last hiring process, I shared the news with her first, and she squeed with me.

I had to submit a headshot against a white background for my security badge, so I asked if CA and TM could shoot one real quick. When I showed up, their living room was a photo studio, with lights, backdrop, posing stool and camera all set up. It must have taken them hours. They patiently worked with it all and me until they got enough shots for us to pick one. I loved watching the two of them operating as a perfectly aligned team. TM had already phoned the security folks to ask what format they accept; while we were working on the final choices, he called again to ask whether they preferred square or rectangular. I was so humbled and kind of ashamed at the level of work I’d put them to, but my head shot is terrific.

(As an aside, DR, the guy who made the internal referral, told me, “My badge looks like death because I drove in starting at 4 that morning to avoid traffic and ran my car battery down while taking a nap in the parking lot….My badge mostly says ‘I require a nap and/or may be a raccoon.’” My badge says I am ready to roll.)

I am not big on personalizing my work space, but I feel like CA’s card and the mug she gave me are appropriate for my desk:

As you can see, I’ve already baptized the latter with a latte. If my colleagues pay any attention to the former, they’ll know the way to my heart.

It may be Gratitude Monday, but one day is not enough to express my appreciation of my friendship with CA.

Report from Day Four

Yesterday was a long day—regular product meeting that runs until 1700. That was me sliding under the conference room table.

Here’s another thing I have to get used to: you have to swipe your badge when you go out of the secured area, as well as when you go in. If you don’t, alarms sound.

I hope this becomes ingrained pretty soon, because the loo is outside the secured area, so I’m out and in about once an hour.

Report from Day Three

I got access to the building’s exercise room in the basement. You need a special Datawatch card to use that particular elevator, and then get into the room. It’s not especially sophisticated, but it has anything I’d want to use. Also, the women’s locker room is clean and all the lockers are not permanently padlocked.

At my last employer, the exercise room was the size of two cubicals and every locker in the women’s locker room was either padlocked or full of crap. (In complete violation of the “you can’t leave crap in or permanently lock a locker” rule).

On the beverage front, I found the ice machine and tried the water that was peppermint flavored. It was kind of like drinking a York Peppermint Patty.

Then I brought home a raft of threat intelligence reports, which are fascinating. I can’t believe I’m working for this company.

Day two: eggs and orgs

Turns out that Tuesdays in my employer’s office in the People’s Republic is free lunch day. I don’t know who the caterer was yesterday, but apparently the event was delayed because “they didn’t bring enough food”. From the number of aluminium trays of brioches filled with egg/sausage or egg/bacon, breakfast burritos, fried sweet potatoes, bacon and other miscellanea “enough” apparently refers to a sufficiency to feed an army corps. (The theme was breakfast for lunch.)

Even so, the organizer’s message reminded people to be “portion considerate” for those who couldn’t get there on the dot.

I also figured out both the Peet’s cappuccino and the Nespresso espresso machines in the kitchen, more or less. And I tried the watermelon/lime flavored water. (Meh.)

Workwise, my manager walked me through some organizational things, and I attended a weekly update meeting, which gave me a super introduction to the breadth of cyber security this group covers, as well as to many of the people in the group. Jeez they’re smart.

I like it here.

First day report

Here’s what I wore for my first day at work:

I thought I’d ease folks in to my eccentricities.

Also, I need to scope out what the “code” is.

My first two levels of management (well, now that I think of it—three levels) were off site yesterday, so I had an HR orientation and got my laptop. And, of course, two factor authentication.

The rest of the day was trying to connect to the printer (which is remarkably slow: >20 minutes to spool and print a 31-page PDF file; seems odd), getting an overview from a colleague and trying to figure out what’s going to be the best way for me to eat this elephant.

Today I'm going to explore the snacks in the kitchen and see if I can figure out the cappuccino machine.

Much to learn, I have.

Gratitude Monday: legacy

Today I’m grateful for the next chapter of my life and how I got here; I report to work as senior product manager at a cyber security company. It’s my aspirational job at my aspirational company in my aspirational field, something a year or two ago I’d not have imagined possible.

I’d thought that my last job would be my legacy gig—running innovations for a non-profit. But it didn’t turn out that way. Instead, I think it was a stepping stone to this new position, an opportunity to do strategic work that positively affects lives, industries and nations; a different legacy. Something happened in the last months of the old place that turned me around, energized me and drove me forward in a way I’ve seldom experienced.

Late in the hiring process, when I was waiting for the offer, a friend who’d been supporting and encouraging me throughout said I should write about it, and it occurred to me that going through and sharing this particular round of job search is another legacy as well. This one broke so many constraints that have described my life and my career; perhaps it can show the way for others. (Not least of whom are those of a certain age—another friend has abjured me to “win one for us older ones” who become invisible, especially in the tech world, once we hit 40.)

So, a quick recap.

The day I posted about my D-Day convo with the program leader, when she announced I would be laid off, I knew this was going to be different. For one thing, those clowns pissed me off. For another, I started reaching out to former colleagues, friends and people I kinda knew on social media. And they responded. JB found a product manager job at his company, made an internal referral, chased up the recruiter and gave me good gouge about the job and people involved. They decided to go with someone else, but the experience was positive, professional and encouraging inasmuch as they clearly saw my skills as valuable.

MGB offered to help, and gave me an internal referral to a product marketing position at her company, which I really appreciated. SM gave me leads and did some LRRP work. JD sent my résumé to a few people he knew and spitballed some companies that might be interesting. SA introduced me to a friend who works at Salesforce, and he gave me terrific advice about expanding the job titles in my search, because solutions engineers there don’t have to be super-techie.

Social media was instrumental in my search this time. In addition to the friends who responded to my Facebook post, I also announced my status on Twitter, both publicly and via DMs.

Because I’ve been following various infosec accounts for years, I got on occasional Friday night frivolous discussions about hair bands, horror movies, 80s TV shows and other pop culture “this the hill I’ll die on” topics. That led me to RF, a security old-timer in Boston, who’s helped me for the past year in matching my skills to job requirements, and giving me connections to companies I’m interested in. The instant I told him about my altered circumstance, he kicked into high gear and showered me with job leads and connections for internal referrals.

CT, who leads a regular careers chat on Twitter, not only asked for my résumé to distribute at an HR meetup, but she caught an embarrassing typo on it and enabled me to correct it before I submitted to the company that eventually hired me. What a champ!

My friend CN gave strategic advice as well as leads. She’s responsible for articulating the change in my approach: #playingtowin as opposed to playing not to lose. That gave me the courage to tell the world not only that I was looking, but what I was looking for. As though I had the confidence and the moxie to find it. (Which, as it happens, I did.) AM (who requested this post) gave me further context about this distinction: playing to win means leading with your strengths; playing to lose is all about covering your weaknesses. I’d been doing the latter most of my life, but that ended in June.

Because I’d smashed the stigma of being laid off, when MW (a champion of diversity and inclusion, whom I’ve followed on Twitter for a couple of years) announced that he’s happy to help with job searches and the best way for him to do that is for seekers to book a 30-minute call with him—I jumped up and down, waved my hand and shouted, “Me, me, call on me!” And he did.

And here’s where the stars shifted into alignment. He gave me concise, pragmatic advice on how to present myself, and made this offer: whenever I found a job I’m interested in, if I sent him the listing, the hiring manager and/or the recruiter, he’d see who in his network could help. Like SA’s friend, he also suggested that I rethink the limits on job titles. And he closed by assuring me, “You got this, girl!”

I spent a day or two redoing my matrix of target companies—all infosec—and then went down the list to see what job openings each one had. Blow me if my topmost company didn’t have a product manager listed, and every single bullet point was well within my capabilities. I’d dismissed the notion of being a product manager in cyber security, because they’re universally heavy on tech bona fides. But not this one. RW’s friend DR, who works in the company, not only made an internal referral, but he dug around until he found both the hiring manager and the recruiter. I created my résumé with matrix matching my skills to the job requirements, and sent that with a link to the posting and the names of the hiring manager and recruiter to MW on a Thursday. His response within 30 minutes: “Notes sent!” The next morning, I had an email from the recruiter asking to set up a call, and the hiring manager had viewed my LinkedIn profile.

Then there was a steady stream of phone interviews—in each of which I felt confident and excited by the opportunity I’d have to contribute in a meaningful way to an important solution for an acknowledged industry leader. Then a three-hour onsite interview in which I refused to worry about what they’d think when they saw that my LinkedIn photo is definitely 20 years old. (Tech is still largely a young man’s game, and I am neither.) But it didn’t seem to matter to them; what they focused on were my ideas and my questions.

And I considered the prospect of living a life of joy.

Throughout the process, I enlisted the support of friends; I invited them to share in the journey, instead of trying to do everything on my own and hiding in case it didn’t work out. In addition to CN, AM, MLD (in England) and RF, the Viking Maiden beseeched the gods and crossed everything as I progressed—even on her vacation in Denmark. CB on Twitter also sent most excellent vibes.

It wasn’t over even when I got the offer, which was quite good. But women (including me) tend not to negotiate offers, so #playingtowin meant I had to counter. Again I consulted with MW, and here’s how I did it: I collected screen captures of what senior product managers in Internet/software in this area get paid, which came to a range of X to X+$10K. (Yes, there were some sources that were lower than X; it wasn’t my job to counter my counter, so I didn’t include them.) And I simply asked, “This is what my research tells me is the range. What flexibility is there to raise the base salary to X+$5K?”

It took a few days for them to run through their internal process—during which I was your basic cat on a hot tin roof—but the recruiter and hiring manager came through like champs. Did you hear me doing the happy dance when I hung up on the call? Probably.

One more star in alignment: I can walk to work.

Dear readers—in the approximately three months since my last day at work, it feels as though my life has changed course. I named—to myself and to others—what I really wanted. I invited help. I received all kinds of support. I spoke easily about what I’ve done and what I can do. I inhabited an atmosphere of joy. I negotiated. I won one for the elders. I played to win.

Here’s the thing: if I can do it, so can others. I’m happy to help. That’ll be my legacy, too.