A scoop of the past

I was somewhat sad to hear that Friendly’s filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy last week.

Friendly’s is a—well, it’s a  down-market chain of restaurants with an emphasis on ice cream.

And they had me at “ice cream”.

But it seems they’re caught between the fast-food and sit-down market segments and just haven’t been able to capture much of either.

I freely admit to having contributed very little to the Friendly’s bottom line. I believe the first time I went to one was in Lexington, Mass. It didn’t impress me; we might have had a “meal” there, or it might have been just dessert. And the last time was in Gettysburg, Penn., when it was definitely just ice cream.

But my most vivid memory of them is going to the Friendly’s that was in Herndon, Va. I’d just moved to the area and my friend Carol Ann and I went there for sundaes, which we got from the take-out window. We sat on the grassy slope in front of the restaurant along Elden Street, in the summer evening, eating ice cream and hot fudge, and just talking about…this and that.

I suppose you could get the same experience from a McDonald’s or a Jack-in-the-Box. But you’d have to do it on plastic or tarmac.

Ugh.

Taking the cake

I still don’t get the whole cupcake thing. I mean, I don’t see how you can make a living selling nothing but overpriced cakelets. (& the ones I had in Seattle—brought round by the department admin to celebrate some non-event back in the days before budgets were a burden—were truly gagworthy.)

But here’s something that boggles the mind even further: shops that sell nothing but bundt cakes.

I was walking around the neighborhood surrounding the Sunnyvale Public Library a month or so ago & came across this:

& then, at the Mountain View Arts & Wine Festival, the store had a booth:

I tasted two of their samples. They were as ghastly as the Seattle cupcakes. Plus, I think I went into insulin shock; I mean—we’re talking serious sugar here.

There are evidently franchises available if you’re looking to get out of the corporate rat race. Just because I don’t get it doesn’t mean there are at least 16 potential customers who might.

When the meeting actually pays off

A while ago a friend of mine sent me this pastiche of elevated terrorist alert warnings. She’s right—it has been around before, but it’s worth running again.

Last week, in fact, one of my standing meetings at work turned out to have no new information to process (it’s order assurance, in case you’re interested; I’m not explaining what “order assurance” is), so the two other people on the call started riffing jokes, first one, then the other. I hauled out this one to read aloud and ended up laughing so much I was leaking tears.

So, I hope it brings you as many giggles as it did Chris, Henry and me:

Current security levels:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!" Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled".  So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Every body to get from street...

Last Thursday in the Silicon Valley the news of the death of Steve Jobs competed with the taking down of a gunman who killed three coworkers at a local quarry.

And by “taking down” I mean “shot full of holes and dead, dead, dead.”

The interesting thing to me is that I first found out about it via a voicemail from the local authorities on my landline, alerting all local residents that the alleged perp had been spotted in my neighborhood. The VM included a description of the suspect and his car.

That was the first time I’ve ever had one of those emergency calls. And buildings on both Apple and HP campuses were locked down on account of the local sightings. I will also say that I was really careful about having to take out my trash that evening.

The other interesting thing to me is that the cops blew the guy away in a house about a mile and a quarter away from me.

Maybe there is a reason why my renters’ insurance went up $200 when I moved from San José to here…

Global communication

In case you’re in need of expressing yourself both forcefully & non-verbally, I give you this collection of international rude gestures from The Atlantic.

They may be of particular use if you, like me, spend a lot of your working day on conference calls.

Just make sure that you’re not sending video. I not only turn off the capability, I’ve taped over the web cam on my laptop & blacked out the tape.

Mother of chaff

It’s Ada Lovelace Day again; time to honor a woman in science who inspires admiration & achievement. Lovelace, you’ll recall, was a progenitor of computer programming—way long before Steve Wozniak & Bill Gates.

In past years I’ve written about computer science pioneer Grace Hopper and Rosalyn Sussman Yalow, a Nobel Laureate in physiology and medicine.

This time round I present to you Joan Strothers Curran, a Welsh optician’s daughter whose sheer brilliance opened academic doors that would have otherwise been locked and barred to a young woman in 1930s Britain. As it is, although she won an open scholarship to Newnham College, Cambridge, the University didn’t award degrees to the women who had earned them.

Curran, a scientist and physicist, didn’t get a degree until 1987, when Strathclyde University gave her an honorary Doctor of Laws degree.

From Newnham Curran went to the Cavendish Laboratory, a hotbed of physics research, where she met Sam Curran, a fellow researcher, who would become her husband of more than 50 years.

But World War II came along and Curran and her fellow researchers turned their minds to supporting the war effort. While her husband focused on radar, Curran joined the Counter Measures Group. She is credited with developing “window”, also known as “chaff”, for the Allies. Window consists of bits of reflective material that is dropped into the air to confuse radar.

Specifically, Curran’s window was deployed in the Pas de Calais during the early hours of D-Day to support the idea that the Allied landing would take place there instead of in Normandy. This contributed greatly to the success of D-Day.

At the time of the landings, the Currans were at the University of California at Berkeley, working on the Manhattan Project. Following the war, the family settled in Glasgow, Scotland, and Curran devoted much of her time to advocacy for the physically and mentally disabled.

I first heard of Curran when I read Anthony Cave-Brown’s Bodyguard of Lies, about the multi-layer deceptions surrounding D-Day. A single-line mention of her contribution in all those 900+ pages of text was enough to spark my interest. There does not seem to be anything by way of a biography of her, which is a loss. Joan Strothers Curran’s brilliant scientific mind helped shorten the worst war the world has known (so far), and turned it to improving the quality of all people’s lives. I want to know more.

Wondrous love

While I was driving home yesterday I heard the news that guitarist Bert Jansch has died of cancer. He was 67.

Jansch was a founding member of Pentangle, a folk group whose distinctive style informed my youth. Jansch, John Renbourn and Jacqui McShee formed the heart of the sound to my mind—a distinctive mix of McShee’s extraordinarily pure voice, Jansch’s gravelly continuo and then the guitar and percussion work.

My favorite album was Sweet Child. The songs cover a terrific range from Turn Your Money Green, which has a bluesy, Claptonesque style to it (I love the "If the river were whiskey, baby, & I were a duck" verse), to Let No Man Steal Your Thyme. Jansch himself is featured on A Woman Like You, which he wrote.

The instrumental pieces aren’t bad, either.

Listen to The Trees They Do Grow High, possibly my absolute fave. Or, No More, My Lord. I have driven across the country singing those two. More than once.

They tell me Jansch was a powerful influence on other guitarists, including Neil Young, Jimmy Paige and Paul Simon. And that’s great. But what I loved was the direct connection to his music, his playing and his singing.

Bert—what a gift you’ve given us over the years. Truly Wondrous Love.

Dave & busted

In the end, the big morale booster last night was a bit of a damp squib. A grand total of 14 people showed up & the conversations I drifted into were pretty much exclusively about our technology, the solution & how we’re going to take over the world in our market space.

So no change there.

Oh—I lie; I sat next to the head of biz dev; he spent a good part of the time talking about his trip to Bangalore, his trip to Milan, his trip to Australia & his trip to I-dropped-out-thinking-the-weight-lifting-competition-on-ESPN-was-less-full-of-self-puffery. There’s something comfortably constant about BD guys—no matter what business they’re in, every conversation is always & inevitably about their own wonderfulness.

(One exception—a couple of employers ago our VP of BD was actually capable of carrying on a conversation that didn’t exclusively revolve around specific deals being currently worked or past successes. I can’t think of anyone but John who could do that, though.)

At any rate, conversations were difficult because of the volume of the music in the restaurant; all I had to do was look fascinated, nod occasionally & every once in a while murmur, “Interesting…” The food wasn’t actually dreadful, but managed to consist of salads, pastas, vegetables & baked chicken that all tasted pretty much the same.

The worst part for me was that the Big Kahuna was over from India & was there apparently displaying both leadership & solidarity with the plebs. He stayed throughout the evening. I introduced myself & you could see through his eyes how he was trying to connect my name with a useful function. It was only when someone else with a similar name caused some confusion that he learned who I am. I’m not sure it made any difference in his mind.

But I did my duty—no one else from product management was there. I didn’t spill either food or drink on anyone (that I recall). I stayed a decent amount of time & wasn’t the first to leave.

But I’d so rather have had the night to myself reading Miranda Carter’s multi-bio of Wilhelm II, George V & Nicholas II.

Mandatory fun

The group I'm working for is having an "all-hands" meeting this evening. At Dave & Buster's.

I am completely stultified with dismay. I've never been to a Chuck-E-Cheese & I don't see why I should go to a DnB.

I feel as though I have to go--first, there are lots of people on this project who actually work in my building whom I've never met, because they do everything via conference calls. Then I'm curious about how this outfit operates outside of the tech.

A colleague came over from Bangalore a month or so ago & several people took him out to lunch. To an Indian buffet. Plus, the conversation never once got off the solution & selling it. I didn't learn one thing about any of them. Except that one of them likes okra a lot.

Already I find it interesting that the invitation to this do only went out on Friday, two work days before the event. What's up with that, I wonder?

I just hope to God they're not planning on getting me to play arcade games. I'd rather swallow fresh compost.

Bookkeeping

I didn’t know that Borders had my email address, but apparently they did because I got a solicitation from Barnes & Noble inviting me to consider them my bookstore going forward.

Frankly, at first I thought it was some new kind of spam-scam. But no.

CEO William Lynch said, “Barnes & Noble uniquely appreciates the importance bookstores play within local communities, and we're very sorry your Borders store closed.” But their sorrow didn’t prevent them from picking up a few bits & bobs, including Borders’ customer list.

He closes with, “At Barnes & Noble we share your love of books — whatever shape they take. We also take our responsibility to service communities by providing a local bookstore very seriously. In the coming weeks, assuming you don't opt-out, you'll be hearing from us with some offers to encourage you to shop our stores and try our NOOK products. We hope you'll give us a chance to be your bookstore.”

I participate in a non-fiction discussion group that meets at the B&N in Campbell. I have to say that it gives me the impression that it’s not long for this world—some tatty stuff, empty shelves & sometimes surly staff. Moreover, the kinds of books I read don't tend to be on the bestseller list, which is mostly what they sell.

I don’t see them being “my bookstore” in the future. I opted out.