Recruiters 31

I got a call this week from a recruiter—not a South Asian, for a wonder—wanting to know if I’d be interested in an “opportunity” with the megalithic telecommunications manufacturing company where I’ve done contract work before. The position is, of course, contract. This company’s business model revolves around keeping costs down in lieu of building innovative products.

Well, whatever. Here’s what I find interesting about this “opportunity”: they are demanding massive amounts of deep-tech experience. And they want to pay absolute crap for it. It seems this department has a very meager budget.

Here are some salient points in the job description:

“In addition to the core Web Services product management role, you will play a key role in evangelizing our Web Services offers to key partners across the Web (developers, Web sites, social media). You should be passionate and articulate in front of current and potential partners through a multitude of communication channels.

“We look to you to bring an excellent product management track record and deep technical expertise in Web Services from a major Web technology organization.

“Requirements

“- Bachelor's degree in a technical field, Master’s degree preferred

“- 10+ years of product management or related experience in a major Web technology organization

“- Hands-on software development background

“- Exceptional written and verbal communications skills

“- Prior experience with developer platforms

“- Ability to build sample applications and proof of concept prototypes

“- Proven leadership and management abilities

“- Entrepreneurial attitude

“- Willingness to work cross-functionally, collaboratively and cross-culturally; a true team player”

Moreover:

“This is a highly visible role with broad cross-organizational responsibilities in our company's Services. It has immense growth potential and is a strategic part of the community product management organization.”

The “growth potential” of course is all on the side of [Cheap-ass Corporation], and the strategy revolves entirely around getting senior-level experience for junior-grade pay. Not only is this work not deemed important enough to be done by a FTE, they're basically, expecting to get the organ grinder for the monkey’s wages.

As the recruiter admitted, “[Cheap-ass Corporation] usually pays below market rates, and this unit pays below even [Cheap-ass Corporation] rates.”

Then she added, “But they’re a really, really good group to work with.”

Oh. Well, then—that makes all the difference in the world, doesn’t it? Just tell my landlord or healthcare providers that I’m being paid pretty much nothing for my senior-level expertise, along with no benefits, so they won’t mind if I skip a month or two’s rent or hand over a big happy smile in lieu of a co-pay?

Holy crime wave!

Not sure how this story places in the News of the Weird scale when compared with Dennis Rodman making diplomatic inroads into North Korea, but I still offer it up to you.

Seems that Bradford, Yorkshire (UK), police were seeking a person of interest in a number of crimes (including fraud and fencing stolen goods), when out of the night (or at least, out of Yorkshire) a man dressed in full Batman regalia showed up with the alleged perp in tow.

And when I say “full” I mean it in the sense that the Caped Crusader had clearly had a lot more bacon butties than Christian Bale or George Clooney.

(Yorkshire is not exactly next door to the West Midlands of PD Peach fame. Still, the weirdest crime stories seem to be coming out of England lately.)

The coppers are insisting they don’t know who that masked man was, although there’s speculation that he, at the least, is someone who knows the perp.

That might or might not rule out one of the names mentioned by British bookies as a possibility, being a Yorkshireman: Alan Titchmarch, the doyen of garden programs. I’m keeping an open mind on that one.

Library dues

It turns out there’s a downside to having access to six different library systems in the area: yesterday, after returning a stack of materials to the Sunnyvale Public Library, I realized that two of them, DVD sets for the worst Miss Marple productions ever (excepting those made with Margaret Rutherford), were actually from the Santa Clara County Library system.

Today I go to SPL to pick up the DVDs. Then I should really hop over to the Cupertino branch of SCCoPL (as opposed to the Santa Clara City Library) and dump them before I mistakenly drop them in the San José or Palo Alto library systems, which haven’t yet installed computerized return mechanisms, or try to force them into the Mountain View Library return.

It’s making me feel so confused…

Linking in to the weird, pt. 3

I know LinkedIn is a place for people to make connections for professional purposes. (Well, possibly for other purposes, too; but that’s kind of a bridge too far for me to contemplate right now, since the business stuff sometimes borders on the monkey variety & it’s all I can handle.)

So I’m wondering why I just got an invitation to connect from an Uzbekistani lawyer? Who evidently speaks Uzbek, Russian, Armenian & Turkish, but not English?

Even if we did connect, what would we talk about?

Power forward diplomacy

The News of the Weird this week comes out of North Korea & the synapses in Dennis Rodman’s brain.

For some reason unknown to us on Planet Earth, Rodman made a visit to the land of famine & fantasies, & had an audience with Kim Jon Un.

Actually, as I write that sentence, it seems reasonable that Rodman would hook up with Kim, just based on that whole fantasy-world thing.

Anyhow, his chat with the president makes him the American who’s had the most face time with a North Korean leader since…maybe some time in the early regime of Kim Jong-Il.

In an interview with ABC’s George Stephanopolous, Rodman assures us that, while Kim is now his friend, “I don’t condone what he does”, so maybe he has heard about the famine as well as the fantasies.

Although, when I hear anything about Rodman, I can’t help but flash onto the exchange between Agent Jay & his new partner Elle that closes out Men in Black

Elle: Hey, Jay! Zed called. The high consulate from Solaxiant 9 wants floor seats for the next Bulls game.

Jay: All right, let's put in a call to Dennis Rodman. He's from that planet.

Elle: Rodman? You're kidding.

Jay: Nope.

Elle: Not much of a disguise.

A day out

I got the chance to go to a tech conference yesterday in SF. It was a great day, courtesy of a couple of friends, & I’ll have some observations about it in a later post. Right now, I have just a couple of questions:

How is it that the Intercontinental Hotel’s idea of a Diet Coke comes in a can? They can’t afford a soda machine?

Why does CalTrain, the commuter line that runs essentially from San José to SF (meaning, it goes along the backbone of the Silicon Valley, probably the highest-tech corridor in the universe), not have Wi-Fi? What the hell is up with that?

Sunny side of unemployment

Y’all know what a sucker I am for a flash mob. Here’s one at an unemployment office in Madrid:

Trying to picture anything like this in a red state…

Ave & vale

Pope Benedict XVI’s surprise resignation has set the Catholic Church in quite the tailspin; primarily because it’s exposed some stuff at the executive level that I expect the organization—like many other multinational corporations—would prefer to keep in the boardroom.

As you know, when there’s a vacancy at the chairman level, the top-line execs congregate to elect a replacement. Those execs would be cardinals. But the executive toilet is just awash with scandal, which would ordinarily not be an obstacle to business as usual except that some of the dirt has been leaked.

For one thing, the cardinal from the UK, Keith O’Brien, has been forced to resign by the outgoing Benedict. O’Brien had submitted his resignation some time ago, he said, but apparently the pope decided to move up his day of departure significantly when the Vatican proved unable to stop allegations that O’Brien has a history of being too up-close-and-personal with priests under his pastoral care. It was evidently back in the day, but still…

What that means is that, since O’Brien (who evidently had his little roll-on bag already packed for the conclave) now won’t be joining his red-hatted brethren, the UK has lost its sole representative to the new board election.

On the other hand, the retired archbishop of the Los Angeles Diocese, Roger Mahoney, is going to the ecclesiastical equivalent of Disney World, even though critics have said he should stick to his knitting at home, given his involvement in alleged systemic cover-ups of ongoing child abuse by priests in the diocese. Even though he retired some time ago, Mahoney was only last month “stripped…of his public duties after it was revealed that he plotted to conceal child molestation by priests,” according to the LA Times story.

You know that by the time the diocese gets around to taking action, there’s no “alleged” about things and they’re in a wagon-circling exercise, so it’s kind of interesting to see that while Mahoney isn’t deemed fit by the Church infrastructure to open parish fairs, he’s okay to have a say in who’s going to be running the company business for the foreseeable future.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…a story originating in La Repubblica and reported elsewhere claims that a team of cardinals investigating the so-called Vati-leaks scandal indicated a “network of gay prelates in the Vatican”, and that blackmail had been one of the consequences. This report may or may not be a factor in Benedict’s sudden announcement of retirement, which did actually have a “kay-I’m-outta-here-bye” feel to it.

If this were GM or Oracle or Barclay’s, I’d nuke some popcorn and crack open a Diet Coke to follow along. But it’s the company founded by Saint Peter, for God’s sake, and this is just so dispiriting. Makes you wonder who’s going to cleanse the temple and whether there’s a flamethrower big enough to get the job done.

So I suppose that it’s really nit-picky to note that apparently the papal Twitter account is going to disappear with Benedict. Perhaps more of these guys should have been occupying their thumbs with their smartphone keyboards.

She died, of course

You may be aware of the big horsemeat scandal currently enveloping Europe. It’s not so much that people are eating horsemeat; it’s that horsemeat is being introduced into the meat supply chain & subsequently marketed & sold as beef.

I’m not exactly sure what prompted the rash of tests run on prepared meals & pre-formed hamburger patties—or, for that matter, why tests aren’t routinely run to begin with—but they turned up at times substantial percentages of Dobbin in the products that were being sold as 100% beef. Or as close to 100% as you get in these kinds of things. (Remember the pink slime scandal here a while ago?)

Well, now it’s swept through Ikea—seems the that Czech authorities found horsemeat in the Swedish pressed-sawdust furniture giant’s Kottbullar meatballs. Ikea has recalled them—a search on their UK site for “meatballs” returned only the chicken product. Or at least, a product labeled as chicken:

I’m not going to get all wound up in the issue of the ethics of agribusiness or animal slaughter practices. I will point out that the story opens up the way for all kinds of punny comments, which NPR readers have taken full advantage of.

There were a couple of prize entries:

“Not a whinnying combination. Maybe IKEA is jockeying for a new market.”

“The meatballs have more horsepower than a turbo Saab.”

There was also this exchange:

“Was wood found in the Idea furniture?” 

“Traces of it has [sic] been detected within the glued laminations…I wonder what the glue is made from.”

But the one that just undid me was, “Would you care for some spaghetti bologneighs?”

Well, we all know what happened to the old woman who swallowed a horse.

Nyan says the cat

Apparently Saturday was the 27^th annual celebration of Cat Day in Japan.

Otherwise known as Nyan Nyan Nyan Day.

(That’s for the sound that Japanese cats make, instead of the meow sound English or American cats make. What—you thought animals have some universal speech capabilities?)

Seems appropriate that the day is celebrated in Japan, home of Maru, a Scottish Fold with the kind of international online following a Kardashian would envy.

(Off topic, but I wonder what’s up with MS Word’s spellchecker being so last century that it doesn’t like either Maru or Kardashian?)

The report cited is from the Washington Post. It loses some of it’s journalistic credibility by referring to Maru as female. But otherwise, well—I’m always glad to find new celebration days to add to the calendar.