Alright,
we’ve had some pretty grim poems throughout this month, so time to change it up.
How about something from Roald Dahl? That’s got to be a bit of a laugh.
Well,
now that I consider it—I suppose the laugh factor involved here rather depends
on whether you’re the farmer or the pig.
Whatever.
“The
Pig”
In
England once there lived a big
And
wonderfully clever pig.
To
everybody it was plain
That
Piggy had a massive brain.
He
worked out sums inside his head,
There
was no book he hadn't read.
He
knew what made an airplane fly,
He
knew how engines worked and why.
He
knew all this, but in the end
One
question drove him round the bend:
He
simply couldn't puzzle out
What
LIFE was really all about.
What
was the reason for his birth?
Why
was he placed upon this earth?
His
giant brain went round and round.
Alas,
no answer could be found.
Till
suddenly one wondrous night.
All
in a flash he saw the light.
He
jumped up like a ballet dancer
And
yelled, "By gum, I've got the answer!"
"They
want my bacon slice by slice
"To
sell at a tremendous price!
"They
want my tender juicy chops
"To
put in all the butcher's shops!
"They
want my pork to make a roast
"And
that's the part'll cost the most!
"They
want my sausages in strings!
"They
even want my chitterlings!
"The
butcher's shop! The carving knife!
"That
is the reason for my life!"
Such
thoughts as these are not designed
To
give a pig great piece of mind.
Next
morning, in comes Farmer Bland,
A
pail of pigswill in his hand,
And
piggy with a mighty roar,
Bashes
the farmer to the floor…
Now
comes the rather grizzly bit
So
let's not make too much of it,
Except
that you must understand
That
Piggy did eat Farmer Bland,
He
ate him up from head to toe,
Chewing
the pieces nice and slow.
It
took an hour to reach the feet,
Because
there was so much to eat,
And
when he finished, Pig, of course,
Felt
absolutely no remorse.
Slowly
he scratched his brainy head
And
with a little smile he said,
"I
had a fairly powerful hunch
"That
he might have me for his lunch.
"And
so, because I feared the worst,
"I
thought I'd better eat him first.
And
here is a delightful rendition, courtesy of Pam Ferris:
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