Rapture wrap-up

Well, it’s looking bad for the Rapture predicted for today. I mean—only 0830 PDT and that’s not quite ten hours from local H-Hour, as specified by the now universally ridiculed Harold Camping. But I’m combing the media and not finding that New Zealand has been knocked off its pins by the earthquake that was to have triggered the global Judgment Day.

You may be thinking, “Harold, ju got some essplainin’ to doo,” around this time. But he’s gone through this before (1994) and like all the best practitioners of the art of propaganda (political, religious, commercial, whatever) he didn’t miss a beat, didn’t apologize, didn’t justify; just moved on to the next prediction. That was scheduling the Rapture for 21 May 2011 at 1800. So stay tuned for his next prophesy.

And he found an audience. A small serious one as well as the vast legions of scoffers and even entrepreneurs (e.g., the service that, for a pre-paid fee—will care for pets left behind when their humans were sucked up to Heaven). God bless America.

Dunno what the believers are going to do when 1801 passes them by and they find themselves in much the same condition as they were at 1759. But the ridiculers and the simply dumbfounded will be partying all weekend.

So come Monday, I think employers should be a little understanding when their staff comes to work in somewhat bedraggled condition—either from overindulgence or disappointment.

But on a similar note, all the Bay Area public radio stations—from KQED down to the ones that have about 52 watts of broadcast power out of Oakland or Campbell—have ended their concurrent spring fundraising drives. So it’s feeling a lot more like heaven on this part of the earth.

Rapture rap

This may have escaped your notice—it certainly did mine—but it seems that the End of Times begins tomorrow at 1800 in whatever time zone you’re in. Apparently it’s a rolling doom.

According to Harold Camping, a civil engineer who started a broadcast ministry and thus is eminently qualified to pontificate on matters theological and moral, 21 May 2011 is Der Tag. Those who are saved (not entirely sure of the definition, but it seems limited to Camping’s followers and presumably some other categories of mostly evangelical Christians) will be sucked up into heaven. Everyone else will—well, again I’m not clear on the specifics, but obviously the good times will no longer roll.

The world won’t end, though—that’ll happen six months hence, on 21 October.

Look—I’m not making this stuff up, I’m just reporting it.

Of course, predicting the end-of-the-world/second-coming is a bit of a cottage industry. So far the predictors have, well, got it wrong. Every time. Time after time.

And this includes Camping. He last predicted that Judgment Day would occur in 1994. Evidently his direct pipeline to the Almighty was clogged with some sewage, but he swears he’s got it right this time.

I’m a bit confused as to the 1800 timestamp, though. I mean—God is eternal, right? What does a particular hour matter to him/her? Days, years—those are human structures; arbitrary ones, when it comes down to it. Could God be arbitrary?

And why the staggered implementation? We’re not talking about introducing a new app—first iPhone, then Droid, then Blackberry. Why not instantaneous for all the world?

And how come the Kiwis get to be the vanguard? We in California have to wait something like 17 hours after it starts in New Zealand. Maybe God’s taking the godliest first? From 2300 tonight we have to stand around and…well, I don’t know what we’re supposed to do…while pretty much the rest of the world gets the best seats in the heavenly stadium?

There don’t seem to be any guidelines as to what the non-enraptured are supposed to do. No mention of rending of clothes or gnashing of teeth. Naturally there are plans for parties—a lot of folks ready to celebrate regardless whether it’s the end of the world or a really, really big egg in the face for Camping.

Well—I think it’s at least worth a glass of bubbly.

Enron again

Andrew Fastow, once CFO at Enron, got out of stir this week. He’s entered a halfway house in his home town & scene of his crimes, Houston.

Fastow was behind Enron’s complex financial shell games, which resulted in the collapse of the company (once the seventh largest in the US) & the ruin of tens of thousands of employees & investors. There’s no question about that, & he was convicted of massive fraud, but because he cut a deal with prosecutors & ratted out his fellow executive fraudsters Kenneth Lay (CEO) & Jeffrey Skilling (president), he got a mere six years at Club Fed.

He’s now in a halfway house that’s seen a couple other Enron ex-cons, & apparently might (like others) be able to serve the last of his time in “home confinement”. Picture, if you will, the sentence your average embezzler would get & imagine that person getting the option of home confinement.

I have no words to express my contempt for Fastow & his crooked corporate cronies. I’m also disgusted that we the people learned nothing from the Enron incident & sailed head on into the economic meltdown of the past few years.

& Congress? Congress learned to label their largest political supporters “too big to fail” & to think it a much better investment to bail out the corporations so designated to the tune of tens of billions of dollars, but cut back or out social programs that support healthcare, housing, education & pensions to the mass of working & middle class Americans.

Across the Irish Sea

I wonder if I’m the only person a little freaked out to hear “God Save the Queen” at the Garden of Remembrance in Dublin?

Queen Elizabeth II is making an historic visit to the Republic of Ireland, and all. And that’s a swell thing—first British monarch to set foot trip in 100 years (and when the last one, George V, did, there was no Republic); it’s very symbolic. Ireland, after all, was England’s first colony (courtesy of Henry II in the 12^th Century); until Ulster is reunited with the other three provinces of Ireland, it’ll be the last one.

Her Majesty is making a point of visiting Irish sites rural and urban, historical and aimed at the future. Naturally, given how she just loves those ponies, she’s going to have a poke round a couple of studs (that’s farms, not muffins). And there’s a state dinner.

But the huge significance comes from her paying official respects to the past, laying a wreath to the fallen at the Garden of Remembrance. The “fallen” in this case are the men and women who died in the fight to free Ireland from British rule, from the rebellion of 1798 to the civil war of 1919-21. For the reigning monarch of the UK to honor them is extraordinary.

(Iain Paisley is probably rolling over in his grave. Oh, wait—he’s not dead; he only resembles a corpse both physically and morally.)

And it can’t be all that easy for her given that she’s suffered personal losses in the ongoing struggle for the hearts and minds and territory. Her husband’s uncle Louis Mountbatten was assassinated by an IRA bomb just 32 years ago.

No, I give her major props for this.

It’s the British national anthem in that particular place that creeps me out. It just seems really wrong.

The Garden of Remembrance is rather like a cathedral. The statue before which the Queen laid the wreath is a representation of the Children of Lir. In Irish legend, the four children of a king; his wife, wracked by jealousy, turned the children into swans, in which form they remained for 900 years. The curse was finally broken by a Christian monk, and the children were returned to their human form. The bronze figures in the Garden of Remembrance are in the process of turning from swans into people.

Rather like the Irish themselves after nearly 900 years of living the British curse.

Well, it’s gracious of the Irish to play GSTQ, And gracious of HM to make the gesture. Now—is she going to Bewley’s for a coffee? It’s only a stone’s throw from the Book of Kells.

The election next time

Newt Gingrich has announced officially that he’s running for President in the 2012 election. President of the United States.

I’m not going to get into his political history, or the disconnect between his assertion that everyone has to adhere to family values except his own self.

I’m just going to say that I don’t think I can take seriously “President Newt”.

On a similar, politics-makes-even-weirder-bedfellows-than-business, note, Donald Trump has dropped out of the race. This is sad news for comedians because The Donald is an even bigger joke than little Newtie, although I believe they’re about even in the wife count.

Given that Trump would have to spend his entire presidential salary of $400K on hair stylists, gel & spray, I’m also thinking he wouldn’t like to take the pay cut. 

Footloose & dry

You know, you just gotta love San Francisco. Boston, NYC, the Marines—they have their marathons. SF has the Bay to Breakers run.

Okay, it’s not 26 miles of grueling endurance; just 7.5 miles. But it did get tougher this year. As of the race yesterday, you could still run naked, but you could only drink what you carry. Mobile alcohol-dispensing carts were banned.

Talk about a buzz kill. I mean—this is California and all, but there are some naked bodies that you need to be lit to view running through the streets.

"Sacrifices must be made...

...but not by us."

CEOs of Exxon, Conoco, Chevron & BP to US Senate (& the rest of us)

The sublime & the incredible

Considering that I’ve spent the last two days in a place where there is no discernible organization, much less a neat one, I’m sharing this with you.

I’d much rather contemplate these examples of thoughtful design than think about being on the phone with tech support for more than two hours today to get network access, an email account & a communications/collaboration tool account…and still don’t have a phone number.

And I’m not even going to talk about ploughing through the corporate product management process site only to be told at 1645 that there’s another, newer, process that has superseded it. And that my manager’s manager didn’t know about it.

Red flags in the sunset

Yesterday I started a contract product manager job at a major networking company. Well, kinda.

From the beginning there have been red flags all around this gig. For one thing, I could never get a consistent story out of the recruiter for the job shop. She’s very bluff and hearty, but straightforward? Not so much.

At first the rate was stated at $X/hour. (And “first” was more than a month ago.) Then, oh, gee, since this is a replacement position, the Client can only pay $X-9%. When I (reluctantly) said I would consider that, she blurbled on about how she told Client that I’d take it on if there was a long-term commitment. At the same time she assured me that Client’s contracts are frequently extended again and again.

Like working without benefits is such a plus that doing it for a longer rather than a shorter period of time is greatly to be desired.

Well, every time I asked for information about the job, the previous contractor (who apparently left suddenly, although I still don’t know whether he jumped or was pushed), the group, the people in the group, even what the products are—every time she just didn’t know. and their on-site rep, who’s embedded with this Client group, never seemed to return her alleged calls. He certainly never called me.

So at every step in the (long, seriously drawn-out) process I was operating in the information darkness, which I do not like. MWD, the recruiter, kept telling me I could get any data I needed from the Client people I spoke with. Red flag number one.

My phone interview with the alleged hiring manager lasted a hair over 30 minutes. Not once did he ask me anything about my CV, my experience, my history. It was all me asking him for information about the work, the group, etc. Huge red flag number two.

Then it took more than a week to talk with the next person, who turned out to be Interviewer #1’s manager (even though MWD had assured me that I#1 is the decision maker). He did ask me a couple of questions about my experience, but most of the time was spent in me asking things the recruiter should have already given me. It seems there are three product lines covered in this group; at the time of interview number two it still wasn’t clear to me which one or ones they wanted me to work on.

Actually, it was clear that they didn’t know which one they wanted me to work on—when I asked, Interviewer #2 said, “We’re going to have to talk about that.”

Uh, yeah; you do that. Red flag number three.

I#2 said he wanted me to speak with another team member and also to attend an all-day team meeting the following (last) week. The next day, however, I received a meeting invitation via the job shop’s onsite coordinator for a face-to-face with I#2 the day before the team meeting time.

I spoke with MWD to see if, at last, she knew what was going on. She said I#2 wanted to hire me (so much for I#1 being the decision maker), but wanted me to speak with this other person first.

Interestingly, Interviewer #3, whom I met in person (the other two are on the East Coast) two weeks ago, spent the most time with me, asked me the most penetrating (not to say suspicious) questions and gave me the very strong impression that she was the hiring manager, or that at the very least I’d be reporting to her and working on Product B (as we’ll call it). Minor red flag number four.

Well, between the time I set up Interview #3 and actually had it, I was contacted by a recruiter for a different job shop for another contract job with a major Internet company. This contract pays 33% more per hour than the one with the network giant. And when I said, sure, go ahead and submit my CV (I’m not even going to talk about how little this recruiter knew about the job, or the description, which consisted of five bullet points), within an hour she’d called back to say the hiring manager wanted to speak with me the next afternoon.

That interview went well, but the HM had expressed himself surprised to be “inundated with résumés”, and was going to be interviewing for a while. (I wasn’t surprised, as I’d been contacted by two more job shops for this position.)

Then there was a flurry of calls from MWD kvelling that we had an offer for this job! I told her about the other possibility and asked what flexibility Client could give with the rate, considering there’s a 33% delta. You could hear the spin coming from her in the background. She said she knew about the Internet job (but hadn’t submitted me for it, because “mobile” was mentioned in it), so she knew I wasn’t slinging bull about the rate. But she tried telling me how Internet Client takes forever to start the interview process, etc.

That stopped when I said I’d already had the first interview.

The following day she called to say that Client can’t do anything about the rate until their new fiscal year (three months hence); but that they also have budget for three FTE positions…in Q3 of next year. (In the same conversation she again referred back to the opportunity to have an endless contract, as well. She really can’t decide which crap to extrude.)

I asked for a copy of the contract to review. To me the key clause is the at-will stipulation: Client, Job Shop or Employee can at any time and for any or no reason terminate the contract. That means that as soon as something better comes along, I can thank them and leave. Which suits my purposes just fine.

Especially given the fact that this gig has more red flags flying than Red Square on May Day.

When I told MWD that I’d accept the offer she was so excited that she actually said to me, “I know you’ll be getting a lower rate than [the Internet job], but you’ll be able to make up for it by working more hours, so it’ll come out even in the end.”

No, I am not making that up. Just to make the Internet Client 40-hour weekly pay I’d have to log in 53 hours on this job. Not that Internet Client would be only 40 hours, either. But I’m wondering why MWD would want someone so stupid as to swallow that logic & be happy at the idea of working 33% longer to get the same amount of money.

Red flag number five.

Speaking of which—I met with Interviewer #1 and Interviewer #2 last Tuesday (my official start date). I#2 told me then that I wouldn’t be working on Product B, after all. It turns out, he said, that he’s got funding for Product A, and while Product B really needs staffing, I’ll have to work on A. A completely different product, in a completely different development cycle, with completely different customers. That’s okay, right?

Red flag number six. It makes me very uneasy that they don’t seem to know what they’re doing, where the money’s coming from or how they can use it. And that this didn’t come up until after I’d signed the contract.

(And, BTW, since I wouldn’t be involved with Product B, I didn’t need to go to the all-day team meeting the next day, for which I’d cleared my schedule. I guess they won’t be my team?)


Oh, and Interviewer #2 asked me, "When are you planning on starting?" Uh, I'd planned on starting the next day, and my contract actually said it started the moment we were talking. You would not believe the looks of utter, vacant astonishment on these two guys' faces. Oh. Well. I#1 would have to, um, see about finding me space. And a laptop. And, you know, stuff.


Red flag number seven.

Well, this stuff just never stops: I showed up today to get my badge and then receive my laptop and network access. Only the clapped-out laptop they had for me (seriously, the screen has craters) wasn’t working right. And when we finally got that going my network password wouldn’t work.

Seems that the password was issued on the 5^th and had already expired. And IT wouldn’t reset it for me, my manager had to request a new one.

Oh, they added, and once I do get in, it’ll take 72 hours to propagate through the network. Meaning that I’ll have limited access to various systems. Email apparently being one of them. I have to request everything—nothing’s been set up for me. Not even a phone; I had to call IT to order a phone number and an actual phone. But since it has to be approved by my manager there’s no telling when I’ll be able to tell people how to reach me.

The job shop on-site coordinator (whose greatest area of expertise seems to be sending snotograms) warned me that it could be more than a week before I’m actually connected to everything necessary to do my job. And I have to initiate it all. Which is hysterical because, how am I supposed to know what all I’ll need so I can ask for it?

Gigantic garrison-sized red freaking flag number eight.

So, I’ll do my best to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing, what tools I need, how to get them and make what contribution I can. Meanwhile, I’m continuing to look for work with an organization that, well, that seems to know what it’s doing, has ideas about how I can help and is willing make me a full team member—including compensation in line with my value.

Special op in Abbottabad 3

On reflection, I may have been way harsh in my reaction to the comments of the Prime Minister and Foreign Secretary of Pakistan on the raid by US Navy SEALS on Osama Bin Laden’s compound the night of 1 May. You remember—they said it wasn’t their fault they couldn’t find Bin Laden, it was an intelligence failure of truly global proportions.

But I’m thinking I shouldn’t have accused them of being disingenuous.

I mean—we did penetrate their air space, crash a helicopter and blow it up, spent 20-40 minutes shooting up OBL’s posse and got out without the Pakistani military apparently noticing. Our government had to tell their government after the fact what had happened.

(Moreover, apparently no one in their government is on Twitter, or they’d have known about it before Hillary made the call.)

Their intelligence agency really is crap.

And, bless their hearts, once they’ve been caught looking like the village schmendricks, what are they going to say—“Jeez, we really screwed the pooch here, and as soon as we get our heads out of our intestinal tracts we’re going to take measures to ensure this sort of thing doesn’t happen again”?

No government in the history of the world ever said that. From the Macedonian Empire to the Bakersfield city council. They never admit to making mistakes. It’s their job to never admit to making mistakes.

So I probably shouldn’t have come down so hard on their reaction, which was entirely natural and predictable, given that they were trying to spin a really challenging situation in which they were shown to be inept slackers in the intelligence department—any way you look at it.

My bad.