Wall Street roulette

Two new chapters were added to the economic catastrophe yesterday, not disconnected.

In the face of continuing news of fiscal excess amongst the banking & finance industries who’ve cried poor to the feds, President Obama laid down the “he who pays the piper calls the tune” law to any financial institution wanting a bailout from the government. To wit:

Henceforth top management of any firm getting taxpayer money will have to scrape by on a maximum of $500K per year. No other compensation except company stock, which they can’t cash out until all “loan” money has been repaid to the government.

Unfortunately, it’s not retroactive, so the top morons at AIG, Citigroup & their ilk are still free to soak up largesse with only the restraints of their boards, which so far have shown themselves to be as parsimonious as conventioneers on unlimited expense accounts.

Still, like the 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean, it’s a start.

But the sacrifices don’t stop at the executive floor: Wells Fargo, poor dears, postured for a while about continuing with plans for a 12-day junket for “top employees” at the Wynn & Encore hotels in Vegas. But finally, sullenly, they scuffed their A. Testoni shoes on the Aubusson carpets & scotched the trip.

“In light of the current environment, we have now decided to cancel this event,” Wells Fargo whined in a statement. They also snippily assured us that they never intended to use the government bailout funds for the jolly.

Uh, hello? Like the Gang of Three who insisted that they weren’t going to use taxpayer money to operate their corporate jets, they don’t seem to get the point that if you claim you’re so poor that you need your Uncle Sam to slip you an extra $35B, it doesn’t really matter which pocket you pull the immediate funds from to pay for your toys. It’s really all the same.

Morgan Stanley & Goldman Sachs have also either cancelled “rewards trips” or redirected conferences to their corporate conference rooms.

What I find fascinating is that all of these groups, having watched public outrage at AIG taking a corporate jolly days after stuffing bailout bucks into their coffers & seen John Thain have to reimburse Bank of America for his $1.2M office makeover at Merrill Lynch—but they didn’t think either anyone would notice them carrying on business as usual. Do they have some sort of cloaking device that they think obscures outrageous actions from public detection?

I think a psychiatric consult is in order.

Snow chaos!

Well, finally—an area that handles snow even worse than Seattle: the United Kingdom.

Yes, the entire country.

Britain got “the worst snow in 18 years” Monday & the country pretty much shut down. London, which one tends to think of as more cosmopolitan than the Pacific Northwest, ground to a halt. According to the Guardian, only a few buses kept up their runs, & ten of the 11 underground lines either stopped completely or provided intermittent service.

(Note the URL of that story, BTW: snow-brings-britain-travel-chaos. The Brits’ favorite term for any disruption in any aspect of life is “chaos”. Dunno if that’s because they really have dull lives & need to bring drama to them any way they can or because anything out of the ordinary really does seem chaotic to them.)

Naturally the airports have thrown up their hands. BA (who, as you’ll recall, totally screwed the pooch on the opening of Terminal 5 at Heathrow last March), warned that diversions of aircraft on Monday meant many planes would “not be in the right places for their departures on Tuesday.”

Um—you can’t, you know, fly them there?

Rail traffic has halted. The last time the UK got snow of this magnitude a British Rail flunkey explained that the trains weren’t moving because it was “the wrong type of snow”. No word yet what “type” of snow is on the rails this time, but the trains weren’t moving anyhow. Roads were also a mess.

I really hope the pubs were well-stocked, because with schools & businesses closed, there’s not much for anyone to do.

Security notice

For a slight diversion from the litany of the arrogance of bankers and automakers, let us now turn to airport security. The Scientific American assures us that there is no reassurance when it comes to this—all sense of commercial aviation security is illusory.

Embedded in the story is another one from the Atlantic, in which the reporter, guided by Bruce Schneier, tests TSA procedures and finds them…definitely wanting.

I have to say that I’ve certainly found the application of whatever rules and guidelines they’re allegedly following inconsistent. In San José, for the first and only time, I was instructed that lipstick and mascara were to go into that one-quart zip-lock bag. TSA drones at some airports freak out and make you take off a jacket-like overshirt; others don’t even seem to notice.

There have been a few times when I get through security and discover that I didn’t get all my little bottles of hand lotion into the baggie, but left one in my purse or a couple in my coat pockets. The past two times through, with a roll-on I carefully put all the liquid/lotion bottles in that baggie & then left it peeking out from the exterior pouch of the carry-on. Without a squawk from TSA.

So, no—I don’t feel any more secure when getting on an airplane than I did ten years ago, although by the time I’ve gone through that “screening”, been herded on board by the airline staff (usually because they’re 30 minutes late and want to make up the schedule on the backs of the passengers) and stuffed into a flight with a butt in every seat—by that time I’m mad enough that I don’t care about security.

Perhaps that’s what they intend after all.

Groundhog day

In case you’re too hung-over or suffering from the aftereffects of ingesting a surfeit of nachos while watching your team go down in flames, let me remind you that today is Groundhog Day.

At this writing, Punxsutawney Phil has not yet emerged from his winter slumber to predict the next six weeks’ weather, although smart money is on more winter, as reported (five years ago) by an investigative reporter in Slate.

(Evidently Phil’s not the only furry prognosticator; but he’s obviously got the best PR machine behind him.)

What the occasion has really contributed to civilization is that it’s the underlying basis for one of the best karmic movies ever made, starring Bill Murray. If you get a chance, watch it. I can’t get enough of it.

And babies make 14

Okay, I’ll join the swirling chatter about Nadya Sulemon, the Whittier, Calif., woman who gave birth last week to octuplets. The reason for me chipping in is that it seems she already has six children ages 2 to 7 years, like the additional eight also the product of fertility treatment (although not born in groups).

Now, it’s certainly not my concern that she’s a single mother living with her parents, or that she decided to go to medicine rather than a relationship to fulfill her dream of motherhood. In this country, if you’ve got the money you pretty much get whatever you want.

I do wonder how an unemployed psychiatric technician (whatever that is) can afford in vitro treatments whose costs can easily run into six figures—& apparently go through it seven times in nine years. Or what health insurance plan would cover these treatments—seven times. &, if so, what that does to the premiums everyone else in that plan has to pay.

But my real question is: what kind of medical practitioner would give Sulemon these treatments, knowing that she already had a sizeable brood? If her maternal instincts aren’t satiated by six kids, & she’s back for more, wouldn’t you start thinking about a psych consult?

How is this different from a plastic surgeon faced with a patient with body dysmorphic disorder looking for her 15th procedure in five years? That surgeon is obligated to try to discourage the patient from further alteration of her body until she’s seen a therapist of some sort.

Moreover, if Sulemon had gone the adoption route to fulfill her mothering dreams, there isn’t a reputable agency in the country that wouldn’t have investigated her background thoroughly & refused after the first three, or five, or six.

I get it that it’s not the physician’s job to be a social worker. But isn’t there some level of due diligence? & where was the insurer in all this? The babies were born at Kaiser Permanente—did they provide the services pro bono? If so, that’ll be a first.

I’m sure this discussion will continue for a long time. I’m just interested in seeing how long before we see this woman back in the headlines for either giving birth again or being hauled in by children’s services.

Oh—& of course we’re going to see at least two Movies of the Week (one on Lifetime), a book deal & many sponsorship opportunities.

Citi Qwest on the rocks

I hope I’m not becoming a curmudgeon, but I really have to wonder what the devil has happened to the concept of businesses delivering on their side of the contract with their customers. Within the space of a month I’ve had to fire Qwest & a Citi affinity card; & Comcast is going to be the next to go when I move to a permanent abode. I did this because they can’t tell a straight story two reps in a row, they go out of their way to surprise you with unexpected charges & they seem to be under the impression that their customers have no options but to take whatever they choose to dish out.

Dunno when the last time you had to sign up for telecommunications or cable service, but I hadn’t had to do it for about seven years when I moved to Seattle. Trying to suss out what your options are on a Qwest or Comcast website obviously takes more perspicacity than I possess. So you end up turning to a phone center rep who rattles through a litany of packages/features/costs.

In the case of Qwest, I signed up for unlimited local/long distance with a bunch of “features” (caller ID, voice mail, caller blocking, etc.) at a promised price of around $40/month. (That’s about what I’d paid for similar services from Verizon in Virginia so it didn’t seem outrageous.)

Imagine my surprise, then, to find that this month they’d jacked up the price by $20, because the rate I’d been promised was an “introductory” offer. Trust me, José from Qwest had not stipulated that this would only be in place for three months.

When I called last week to cancel the service, they transferred me to Cheryl, an “account rep”, whose job was clearly to try to reel me back in to the basket. “We really want to keep you as a valued customer. I could take away some of the features, & that would save you $5 per month—would you like that?”

“No—what I’d like is the service level I was promised at the price I was quoted.”

After about five attempts she finally agreed to terminate the service. However, she wasn’t done—she asked me if I’d like to get DirecTV through Qwest, or open a Verizon Mobile account through Qwest to replace their landline.

Noooooo.

I gave Cheryl an email address so she could send confirmation of the cancellation (which she never did), & she chirped, “Would you like to receive marketing emails from us?”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“I have to ask these questions.”

It’s a tough job, but just cancel my account & leave me alone.

(The Comcast story is similar: the rep who set up my service promised me a rate of TV & broadband around $60/month. But my bills kept showing up around $90. When I called, what got their attention was saying I could switch to Qwest/DirecTV. The rep squirreled around & managed to find some magical combination that gets me back to the originally promised rate. But they seriously have a pissed off, resentful user.)

The AAdvantage card by Citi was another bizarre case. I’d had it since 2003, but they have a hard time applying electronic payments at the speed of, you know, electronics. There have been delays of four days between the time my bank account was debited & them crediting my Citi account. Then, of course, they charge both a late fee & interest based on all the charges you’ve made in that period, & possibly the national debt, as well.

In the past I’ve had to call & get them to remove the charges, but in December when I spoke to the “customer service” rep, she kept saying she couldn’t do that, because it didn’t get credited until the D+4 date, & there it is.

So, I paid the bill & the charges & spent about ten minutes getting a credit card from my credit union to take its place. With that in hand, I called Citi the day after the payment was applied & announced to the “customer service” rep that I wanted to close my account.

Well, she transferred me to one of those Hail-Mary-keep-the-customer account reps & she must have spent 15 minutes trying to promise anything to make me keep the card. Again, all of a sudden I was such a valued customer, they just didn’t want to lose me, so what could she do to convince me to stay. (Yes, I was a valuable customer: I probably used that card for more than $50K in charges in the five years I had it [I used it for house repairs & replacement windows]; &, unlike most Americans, I actually made my payments. I paid it off every month, which isn’t what they want, of course; but they still got their cut of all those transactions. & they didn’t have to send my account to collection.)

She could certainly reverse the last late charge & interest. She could give me a flock of air miles. She could put a credit of $500 on the card…

I said that was nice, but too late. If you have to threaten to walk in order to get them to stop screwing you over, it’s not an equitable relationship.

So I’m untethered in phone service (even though I hate using the bloody mobi) & have a new credit card company that doesn’t try to shake me down once a month for excess fees.

Well, so far.

Business plans

In the course of research into “global trends 2009” I came across the following:

I love Ex-boyfriend Jewelry—if ever there was a market need perceived & met, it’s got to be this site. It’s not just the merchandise, although some is distinctly interesting. It’s the vignettes that accompany the pieces, which give you a glimpse into the relationship(s) that spawned the sales. I mean:

“Dog Gone and now jewelry must go too!”

“Earrings were purchased by my first husband, must sell!!”

“The Bastard got someone pregnant before the wedding! Here's to the 3 of you!”

“Il m'a trompé alors je l'ai laissé et je me venge en vendant tous les bijoux qu'il m'a offert.”

“My story is just about the same as all the other's. Husband cheats, gets caught, cheats again!!! Want's another chance....I don't think so....D*I*V*O*R*C*E*D”

Plus—the catch-all “Gifts that Should Have Been Jewelry”. 'Nuff said.

There’s just something so delicious about this site. I have to say I’d be concerned about possible bad karma associated with this stuff, but maybe some serious sage burning would take care of that.

On a somewhat related, “finding a niche in the market” note, I also give you Sarah’s Smash Shack. Speaking from personal experience, smashing glassware or crockery is super therapeutic. & having a “neutral” place to do the smashing obviates having to explain yourself to neighbors who want to know why you’re throwing glasses against the concrete wall.

I see franchising opportunities here.

Bank robbery

Just in case your blood pressure has been falling, the AP files a report reminding us that the very same leadership of the banks that failed so miserably that the Feds showered them with $700B of your money & mine—those highly-compensated morons that had a huge hand in sending the global economy into freefall are still in their executive offices with no oversight by anyone but the boards that let them destroy assets like a demolition derby.

To put it into perspective, more than 200,000 jobs across the country have been lost since the beginning of this month. Yes, that’s in less than a month—people who were taxpaying, productive contributors to their community who haven’t really done anything to screw over their neighbors have been fired but the perpetrators of the debacle are secure in their multi-million-dollar positions.

Seems our Congress-slime handed over the billions without requiring that the banks supply a plan for making changes, starting with turning over senior management.

The banks are making sacrifices, though. Poor old Citigroup sullenly announced that it’s not, after all, going to complete purchase of a new $50M corporate jet. They didn’t do this voluntarily; the Obama administration had to draw them the pictures of how outrageous it is that they’d blow that kind of dough on such a limited-value asset when they’d just filled their begging bowl with $45B of our money.

They actually had the nerve to counter that they weren’t going to use “government money” for the purchase—as though you can separate that kind of thing from the pool.

This is precisely why it’s ludicrous that the men (& the vast preponderance of them are indeed Y-chromosome-challenged) who made these kinds of decisions over the past few years are allowed to keep their positions on our nickel(s).

Talk about foxes running the henhouse...

Wired & unemployed

Well, Seattle has made the big time. If you count being named Forbes’s “America’s Most Wired” city the big time.

Seems it’s not high-tech employers so much as it’s Wi-Fi hot spots that gave us the leg up. Well, I guess so. Aside from Starbuck’s, which of course charges for connectivity, most coffee shops give it to you for free. I happen to like Tully’s, because it’s not the monolith that ’Buck’s is, & because their coffee actually tastes, you know, better.

& they tell me that Microsoft’s commuter buses are equipped with Wi-Fi, so that you shouldn’t lose a moment of work time while going to & from your actual job.

But what gets me is that pretty much any hair salon with pretensions of up-marketdom also has Wi-Fi. Why would you want to be answering emails or creating presentations when you could be parked in a high-tech chair, espresso to hand & reading all those magazines you wouldn’t ever think of buying?

There’s something decidedly whacked about this insidious always-on concept. I can see why Forbes would honor it, though—another way for corporations to suck extra hours of servitude out of their staff.

Interesting, though; at the bottom of that Forbes page there’s a link to the weekly report on layoffs. I guess they don’t see the irony in that juxtaposition.

The truth is out there

Apparently the ecstasy associated with the inauguration of the 44th President of the United States was more far-reaching than we realized. Footage, here, of the universal celebrations.

And for another view of the event, let's cut to the satellite feed.