Tweelight zone

You know, the British Empire is long gone, despite the heroic efforts of Winston Churchill to hang on to it. And even the hip supremacy of the Fab Four and Carnaby Street has settled down to the Geriatric or Petrified Stones. But there are still features of whimsy and daftness that will remain Forever England.

Because, let’s face it, nobody does nutty quite like the Brits.

Case in point: Currently in Somerset, they have a problem with Fairy Doors. Well, an overabundance of them. They’re becoming as common as Starbucks, and authorities are therefore required to Take Action to halt the proliferation.

What’s that, you ask? Fairy doors? Why—they’re teeny little doors built into trees in Wayford Woods, for the, um, fairies. Just like it says.

I absolutely dunno how they got started, but at this point I can totally understand why “Fairy Control” is necessary. Because—in the absence of a homeowner association or town council, you can see how door builders have just lost the plot. 

No central design planning, so every possible shape, color and, er, ornamentation imaginable. Think glitter, people. And worse.

I mean—looks like some low-life no-better-than-they-should-be fairies have moved into the forest and at any moment will start putting tiny clapped-out washing machines in their front yards. Plus—they’ll start playing the radio loud at all hours and toss wee empty beer bottles about instead of placing them in the dumpsters like decent fairies would.

Apparently the actual door constructors have not been caught pink- or yellow-handed, which I find interesting. I mean—there are so many of the dag-blamed things that you’d expect that people would be tripping over one another as they install their work. Not to mention coming to blows over who has the rights to “door” a particular tree.

The local council has its work cut out for them in the door-abatement process. I’m sure there will be protests over the very concept of removing the fairy-portals. And how can you give esthetic reasons for demolishing the tacky ones and leaving only the twee? There might be fisticuffs yet.

I’m looking forward to the video.