Arms & the man. And woman

My friend Stretch sent me this from the College of Arms, which is apparently a branch of Her Majesty’s Government. (Meaning it’s supported by UK taxpayers.) It sets out new rules for the display of coats of arms in the cases of same-sex marriages.

I’m guessing that somewhere there are similar guidelines for the previously-normal man-woman kind of marriages.

Well, you know me—I got to thinking about this, and I have some questions that need clarification.

Such as—the man gets to “impale”, but the woman doesn’t? What’s up with that? And what, exactly, is impaling? I mean, in these circumstances?

And does this mean that each male in the marriage has different arms on account of impaling each other? On their shields, I mean?

This is just taking me places I don’t think I want to go.

But look—what about the children of these marriages? What do their shields look like? What do they look like when they grow up and enter into same-sex marriages?

And who decides who’s the husband or wife in these marriages? And how do they do that?

And finally—I say this with all the respect a fourth-generation Californian can scrape together about such endeavors: who actually cares about this stuff?