Of tattoos and Thai prisons

Back when I worked in “creative affairs” for various film companies, people not in the business told me I might have too much good taste to pass judgment on what movies should get made. That was when things like the Porky’s and Nightmare on Elm Street franchises were reigning at the box office.

For some reason I have a rep for being somewhat more, ah, intellectual than that sort of thing.

Well, it’s Friday, when I like to let the freak flag fly, so I’ll just let you in on a little bit of the secret side of me: I can be just as tasteless as the next guy. Two points in support.

One of my favorite movie lines ever is from a decidedly B movie called Down Periscope, which is…oh, shoot—it has no redeeming social value at all, but it cracks me up every time I run across it on cable. 

The line is, “I want a man with a tattoo on his dick! Have I got the right man?”

And trust me, there’s no one like Rip Torn to deliver it.

As a friend of mine has been known to remark, I don't know whether to have those words printed on my business cards or carved on my tombstone. I'll get back to you when I decide.

(Sadly, this clip cuts off just before we get to the, um, heart of the matter, but take a look anyhow.)

My second example of reasons why I’m perfectly qualified to greenlight projects is that I cannot get enough of the sequence in Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason where she’s locked up in a Thai prison after they find drugs in her luggage at the airport. It’s the best version of “Like a Virgin” ever.

I’m ready for the weekend, now.