Friday, January 15, 2010

Order in the court!

Well, welcome to 2010, the year of reason, intelligent systems & justice for all.

A grey-&-white tabby cat has been called to jury duty in Boston. I am not making this up.

Seems Sal Esposito’s humans included him on their last census form, in the pet category. The Suffolk Superior Court spied him & issued the summons.

Although Guy & Anna Esposito have tried to ’splain to officials that Sal’s a cat, & even requested disqualification by checking the “does not speak English well” box (evidently you have to check a box, no free-form excuses), the court is unimpressed, & Sal is to show up for service on 23 March.

I don’t know about the origin of the jury duty call—most places I live cull their rolls from voter records & the DMV, not the census, which takes place only once a decade. (In Virginia, when you get a driver’s license, you’re in the jury duty pool.)

Also—it’s been a while since I filled out a census form (I was out of the country in 2000), but aren’t ages associated with any names recorded? You’d think Sal would be disqualified as being too young if for nothing else.

But this being America, Sal may be forced to serve. I’m waiting to see what kind of human-feline language interpreter they bring in so Sal can follow the court proceedings. & if licking his butt in the jury box causes an uproar & calls for a mistrial by the defense.

I’m not worried about jury tampering—opposing counsel could bribe him with cans of tuna & catnip mice all day long. Any self-respecting cat would accept the tribute & do whatever he damn well pleased anyhow.

So maybe this is an improvement over biped juries?

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