Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Teaching your grammar to suck eggs

Still on the theme of the dumbification of American letters (or possibly the illiteratization of written communication), this post about five grammar mistakes “that make you look like a chimp” crossed my email.

Really—I don’t know why you’d stop at five. What about the people who don’t know the difference between a transitive and intransitive verb (and therefore misuse lay/lie in ignorant bliss)?

Or subject/object pronouns—“he gave the tickets to Mark and I”—with particular attention to who/whom. “Give the tickets to whomever can go.”

Number/amount: “the amount of people who got tickets was limited to whomever paid a bribe”. Or, one of my faves: TNT’s “more movie, less commercials.”

Subject/predicate agreement: “anyone can get tickets if they pay a bribe.”

Indiscriminate splattering of their/they’re/there, or its/it’s.

The list goes on—feel free to add your own bĂȘtes noires.

And don’t even get me started on punctuation.

This is what comes of people thinking that anyone can be a writer, without training or talent. They wouldn’t think that anyone could be a cardiothoracic surgeon (at least one they’d let cut into their chest), or even that anyone could play the clarinet, without training or talent. But writing? “Hell, Ah kin rite—jes’ watch me on this here net-thang!”

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