Friday, January 16, 2009

Another modest proposal

A colleague & I were talking about the whole hell-in-a-handbasket economy, specifically Bernie Madoff. We both came up with the same general idea that would bring in money, help people vent their frustration & provide a lesson pour encourager les autres:

Bring back public stoning. & give it a 21st Century twist:

Do a “Big Brother” type survey that charges $1.50 per call so that people can vote who goes onto the mat. We’d have one event per month, & allow the publicity to build up. Personally, I’d start with Madoff, then move on to Rick Wagoner (GM), Dick Fuld (Lehman Brothers), Alan Fishman (WaMu), Marty Sullivan (AIG) &…well, you append your own candidates.

I’d add in Bernie Ebbers (WorldCom), John Rigas (Adelphia), Denny Kozlowski (Tyco) & even Jeffrey Skilling (Enron). Hell—I’d dig up Ken Lay & put him on the block, too.

Make it pay-per-view (maybe $29.95 per subscriber; more for bars & social clubs).

Sell “stoning slots”—the chance to heave one stone at the slimeball. Maybe $25 per throw; two for $40.

There’s also a huge merchandising opportunity: tee-shirts, coffee mugs, stadium blankets, martini glasses souvenir stones—I mean, the list goes on & on.

We could franchise the concept, too: take this down to the state or county level. We’d limit it to political & business figures to keep it from becoming a general blood purge. (I've had a vote to include celebrities; but if we went after all of them, I think we'd burn out the population too fast.)

Think of all the jobs this would create—stonemasons, PR flacks, event organizers, tee-shirt manufacturers…

This could bring in millions—possibly even billions if promoted right—into our depleted tax coffers. It would instill hope into a battered nation. & it would not only clear out the malefactors from the corporate gene pool, it would definitely be an object lesson to any middle or senior managers who have ideas of following in the footsteps of the stoned.

I think we’d all feel better for having been able to take action against the greedy, selfish, intelligence-challenged suits who caused the biggest financial crisis since the 30s.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

As and undergrad at Mary Washington in Fredericksburg, VA, I had a Tuesday-Thursday Poli Sci class one Spring semester, History of Political Thought, required for graduation. This being Virginia, the Summer weather arrived in March, and with two months to go on the term, the late afternoon class soon became a nap-inducing machine, but for one saving factor: Professor Otho Campbell. A southern gentleman, and with the seersucker suit and drawl to match, Dr. Campbell was easily distracted from his droning by asking a simple question, "Dr. Campbell, you've made an interesting point in your discussion of the key differences in Marxism as implemented and interpretted by both Lenin and Ho Chi Minh, but how do you think their positions differed on more practical aspects of government, in particular the need for capital punishment?" The result: a very spirited description of why public hangings are THE CURE for most crimes. I still think the idea has merit!