Chocolate science

Last month I was entranced by the story of an opossum in Nebraska that ate an entire Costco cake that homeowners had put out on their deck because the refrigerator was too full to accommodate it while the family was preparing and eating a meal.

The Doggett family found that the female opossum had pulled the plastic cover off a Tuxedo chocolate mousse cake and eaten the whole thing, leaving only a trail of chocolate footprints from the rail to the deck furniture where it had curled up to recover. Concerned about its condition—it was panting and in distress—they called the local Humane Society, who sent an animal control unit out; they collected the marsupial and took her to a vet.

Post-checkup, the opossum—oh, why don’t we just call her Tracy—was moved to wildlife rehab, where she received chelation therapy to counteract her overindulgence. As with dogs, chocolate is thought to be toxic to opossums, but the belief has never been put to the test by observing one eating a cake larger than she is before.

Photo by Nebraska Wildlife Rehab

Now, naturally I heard this story first on social media, where the preponderance of users immediately identified with Tracy’s binge. Look—we’ve all been there, babe. Sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

I also learned that Tracy chose well—very high marks all around for the Costco Tuxedo cake. Very high.

So, on my next run to top up my supply of butter and chicken breasts, I picked up one of them. Just in the spirit of scientific inquiry, you understand.

Let me just say: my hat’s off to Tracy. That girl’s got game. My first slice—maybe 1.25” thick—about laid me low. I mean—it’s mousse and sponge cake, covered in ganache, but damn is it rich. It took me 10 days to finish that thing.

If that marsupial can survive chugging the entire cake in one sitting, she’s got some serious gastric superpowers.

 

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