My deepest apologies

I was in Target this morning, picking up drawer liners and cleaning stuff. I was whining to myself about the new place I’m moving to—the property manager didn’t paint it as he’d said he would, and his idea of “the place is clean” is certainly not mine (ergo the Lysol). I was also fretting over how I’m supposed to fit all my stuff into the new flat and thinking, rather pitifully, that I’m just going to have to learn to live with less.

I chose a checkout lane where a couple’s purchases had just been rung up; didn’t want to wait at the other lanes where the cashiers were still scanning. And then I realized that there was some hang-up with the transaction.

And being the utterly impatient person I am, I was beginning to fume. Then the nature of the hold-up became clear: the customers didn’t have enough money for all the merchandise. They were choosing what items to put back.

A box of cereal was first; but that wasn’t enough. So a package of chicken wings or thighs went. And then they had enough.

They were in their fifties, maybe, and the woman’s cotton knit top was torn at the armhole. All their purchases, a full cart totaling around $75, were food,and there was cat kibble among them. They chose to return their food, not the cat’s.

As she collected a couple of dollars in change, the woman apologized to the cashier and to me; “We didn’t realize we’d gone so wild.” I said nothing because I didn’t know what to say; and I was ramping down from toe tapping to embarrassment. I paid for my drawer liners and Lysol and went on to the next errand.

But I couldn’t let it go. It pisses me off that people have to choose between feeding their pet and feeding themselves.

But mostly I’m pissed off at myself. I'd been so full of self-pity about fitting all my stuff (including whatever food I choose to have) into my new flat; and here was a situation that was really worth spending some sympathy on. But I screwed the pooch completely. 

It would have been the easiest thing in the world for me to buy that couple’s chicken and cereal and then just hand a bag to them in the parking lot. Might have been $10, maybe $12. I can afford it, even though I whinge about the miserable pay I'm getting. But I didn’t come up with that right response until I was miles away. Way too late.

I was so busy getting from impatience to shock that I never made it to compassionate action. And that’s an opportunity I’ll never get back.

So to the couple with a happy cat but maybe not such a great supper: I apologize for being slow and stupid. I’m truly ashamed of myself. I can’t help you now, but I’ll try my best to be quicker to catch on in future.