This'll cut down on regifting...

This being Boxing Day, it seems appropriate to find out that Amazon has received a patent for an application that will allow recipients of gifts bought through the online retailer to swap them for something more desirable before they’re actually shipped.

If I understand this correctly, it would allow a user to register his/her standards (for want of a better term) for receiving items, either by type or by sender. This goes beyond the current wish list that you can post online letting the world & his wife know you’d really, really like an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle; a Tickle-Me Elmo; & two-carat FL princess-cut platinum-set stud earrings. Instead it allows you to instruct the greater Amazon marketplace that you won’t accept cubic zirconiums from anyone, or anything at all from Uncle Fred. That being the case, if Amazon detects any purchases of CZs (or anything from Uncle Fred) headed your way, it’ll alert you & allow you to convert whatever it is to something you’d prefer. Perhaps, in the case of the CZ, a Tickle-Me Elmo.

& it won’t notify the sender that you’ve made the swap.

(Amazon’s not doing this to make you happy, BTW. They’re doing it because it costs them money every time a piece of merchandise is returned & they’re looking to eliminate the cut into their profit margin.)

Now, I’ve been on the receiving end of some pretty ghastly presents, & I well know that some people just don’t have the gift for picking out the right gifts. But even so, I’m not sure I really like the idea of recipients essentially cutting the heart out of the concept of giving.

& if you can’t man up enough to explain to Uncle Fred that, while you really appreciate him sending you that very festive can of reindeer meat, you’ve been a vegan since you were 12 & are just crushed that you can’t enjoy his gift to the extent his thoughtfulness merits—then I’m not sure you deserve anything beyond a holiday card.

But I’m sure that most people will look upon this as a giant leap forward for raking in as much loot as possible with the least amount of ancillary trouble that accepting someone’s gift involves.

& since the Amazon patent includes the option of having the system send a thank-you note for the original gift, you’re off the hook for any display of civility at all in the transaction.