Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Apologise. Pull out his eyes

On the face of it, the suits-in-chief at the two biggest failed banks in the UK choked down an extra serving of humble pie in Parliament yesterday. Top execs at the spectacularly collapsed RBS and HBOS (both with “Bank of Scotland” in their names) went before the House of Commons and groveled with all the crocodile tears they could manage as they strangled on what Lord Stevenson, former chairman of HBOS, referred to as “the S-word”.

The BBC has video of the apologies, which are well worth a listen.

When you delve into the story, however, it’s more of the usual “mistakes were made…but not by me” routine you’re hearing a lot of from the corporate boardrooms.

And they can’t get their stories straight about whether or the bonus culture had any influence on the boneheaded decisions made by the execs. (Listen—if they get their multiple millions in good times and bad, it’s not a “bonus”; it’s a “salary”.)

Andy Hornby, wunderkind CEO of the very same HBOS (whose 2007 compensation was nearly £2M) resigned last October. However, he’s been scarfing up fees of £60,000 per month “consulting” to the government overseers who are supposed to be cleaning up the mess he left at HBOS.

Um—so you let the fox rampage through the henhouse, and then when you’re trying to rebuild it and find any loose eggs that might be lying about, you bring that fox back? And pay it monthly fees of more than most of the hens make annually?

Blimey!

Contrast this with the performance of Nozawa Shohei, the president of Yamaichi Securities when it went bust in 1997. When Nozawa announced the collapse, not only did he break down in unfeigned sobs, his primary concern was to mitigate to the extent possible the effects on the company’s employees.

“It's excruciatingly painful to think about the fate of our 7,500 workers and their families. The managers alone are to blame and no other staff did anything wrong. So I beseech for cooperation so that Yamaichi workers won't be thrown into the street.”

You don’t hear any of that sort of thing coming out of the tightly pursed mouths of corporate management in the US or Britain.

But then there’s no sense of accountability in our cultures the way there is in Asia. You screw up in a corporate way in China—you can be executed. Screw up here, you rush to get the bonuses paid before the next watch comes on.

I keep coming back to the concept of public stoning. It really would serve a purpose. Four Scottish bankers sweating before Parliament is one thing; but then they’re off in the Roller to their club for a couple of single malts and a good dinner.

They say they’re “profoundly” and “unreservedly sorry”. But for what? Stevenson is sorry “at the turn of events”, like he somehow stumbled into a bun fight and wasn’t a primary causal force. “I fully accept my responsibility in matters,” he adds.

What does that mean? What matters, precisely?

They’re exactly like a former colleague who never ever in his life made a mistake. Every decision was an excellent move on his part—brilliant, even—and it was only “subsequent events” that turned things sour.

They’re also like every pol caught in a scandal who ever went in front of the cameras to apologize “for any pain I might have caused my family and supporters.”

They’re not sorry for anything they’ve done, or for any pain they’ve caused anyone else. They’re not even sorry they were caught at whatever it was.

They’re only sorry that their actions had negative consequences for themselves.

And as for a corporate exec who refers to an apology as “the S-word”—you’re not in the lower fifth form any more. Grow the hell up!


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