Recruiters 5

Suppose you’re an idiot. Suppose you’re a recruiter.

But I repeat myself.

Latest idiocies:

Email from a recruiter for a search product manager position requiring a “quantitative undergraduate degree” (which I don’t have). In Pennsylvania.

Email from a recruiter for a contract QA tester position. In Seattle. I don’t even know how he pulled my profile, except that I’ve worked with QA.

But the moron du jour is actually a duo from a job shop—recruiter and account manager. Although they claim the company serves many major tech companies in the area, all this recruiter has ever sent me are contract jobs for eBay and PayPal, clients of this particular account manager. (I asked the recruiter if my profile is even being considered for other clients; he assured me it is, but I doubt it.)

The latest was a contract product marketing manager for PayPal. About a week ago the AM sent me the job description and a list of experience the “hiring manager” wanted. I told her to go ahead and submit my CV, even though there was no stated rate.

A couple of days later the recruiter called to inform me that the HM “liked” my résumé, but had some concerns about specific experience that hadn’t been listed in the JD or her own list of desirables. (Evidently I’m supposed to pull that stuff out of the ether.) After some blather he came to the point—would I send him some “bullet points” to address them.

I did, although apparently he didn’t recognize them because I hadn’t actually made them bullets. He called about an hour later to ask if I was happy for them to send my few sentences over to the client or did I “want to change anything”. Uh—why would I want to do that? I responded to his points one by one. I’m afraid eight by ten color glossy photos with circles and arrows & a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one is would be difficult in an email.

But evidently they really wanted me to change something (although what, precisely, was never specified), because he put the AM on the phone and she asked me if I wanted the client to see that or did I want to change anything.

No—I understood that my response was going to the client so I framed it accordingly.

Oh.

And, BTW, I inquired—what is the hourly rate range? Well, she didn’t know. But it’s marketing, and they usually pay less for marketing than “for the other positions we’ve sent you.”

Considering that she’d sent me product manager, program manager, project manager and marketing manager positions (each one carrying a lower rate than the last), this didn’t bode well.

And she mentioned that the HM was already talking with a candidate who had all the experience she wanted.

So imagine my surprise when the recruiter called me last Wednesday chirping that they’d landed me a phone screening at 1000 on Friday! Well, I couldn’t do 1000, which caused major consternation, but eventually the time was set for 0900. He emphasized that this was my chance to “sell” myself, not one of my favorite things to do, especially if the HM says she’s already got what she needs.

But the corker was that at 0828 on Friday, the recruiter called to ask me if I was ready for the interview, did I need any further information, etc. I was really quite nonplussed because I didn’t get why there was such a big push for this one position (with no rate established).

But wait—there’s more.

Basically to make him feel useful I said it would be helpful to know more about the mission of this particular group. He knew nothing, of course, so he put me through to the AM and she didn’t know much more. But she also pointed out that this was my opportunity to sell myself. Implying that she’d gone out on a limb to get me a chance at the big time and I owed it to them to turn the HM around.

“Remember how all along we’ve had to push this woman…She thought you didn’t have the right skills on your résumé, so we had you respond to her concerns. She said she was already talking with someone who had the skills, but we convinced her she should give you a few minutes at least…”

And yet we aren’t done.

She asked me, “Did Diego give you any helpful tips? Like having your résumé and the job description in front of you? And having a notebook and pen so you can take notes?”

Excuse me? No, he did not, and he didn’t have to tell me to put my socks on before my shoes, either.

I informed her that I really don’t need to be told that, as I’m already prepared.

“Oh, you’d be surprised how many people don’t do that.”

Well, how do you ever get anyone placed, then?

And finally, she enjoined me, “If anything comes up between now and the interview, don't hesitate to give us a call”

In the 18 minutes between talking with her and talking with the HM? Does their year-end bonus depend on one more contract hook?

At any rate, I had a pleasant conversation with the “hiring manager”, who turned out to not actually be the hiring manager, but the first screener, as the position was replacing her. I called the recruiter shortly thereafter to let him know how it went and then went on with my day.

He called in the afternoon to report that the HM thought I had fine qualifications, but that she decided to go with the person she’d already decided on.

I just said that wasn’t surprising and I refrained from pointing out that this whole exercise had been a colossal waste of time.

I doubt he was equipped with a pencil and paper to write it down anyway.