Advice to the young 'uns

A few more thoughts about my experience at the Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing; specifically on the thousands of young women who are students or recent grads:

Universities should have a required course for all engineering and CS majors in basic civility, courtesy and etiquette. Things like: you can’t go to a party unless you’ve been invited and you’ve accepted. Just because you see people going into a hospitality suite doesn’t mean that it’s open house. If you accept an invitation and discover that you can’t go, notify your hosts so someone else can get in. If a sit-down meal is involved, try to show up toward the beginning of the time slot, not 20 minutes before it ends. Someone planned and paid for a specific number of meals to be prepared; this isn’t your campus cafeteria.

Trade show etiquette specifies that you don’t get the swag unless you listen to the pitch—whether it’s a product sales pitch or a recruitment pitch, you can’t reach across the rep to grab [whatever’s on offer]. The swag’s the come-on, honey; play the game or walk on. Do not whine about the fact that “you have to talk to them to get the tee-shirt.” Them’s the rules; there is no exception, even for you.

I concede it’s too much to expect college-age kids to not crowd open bars (and I’m not sure whether their looks of bewilderment at being asked to show ID were genuine or a well-practiced ploy, but all the venues were very careful about whom they served alcohol to), but some kind of moderation around the buffets would be nice. These were lavish spreads, with plenty for all. The polite thing to do is fill your (one) plate and then move away.

Also—and I do understand this is a challenge for the introvert-inclined: these are networking affairs. “Networking” does not happen if you stand alone staring into your mobile phone. Likewise, closely clumped with the besties you walked in with does not constitute networking either. Mingle. Introduce yourself. Conduct conversation. Pro tip: ask a question once in a while and be silent while it’s being answered. (I learned way more about the life of a Carnegie-Mellon University student at a small party, because the chick never drew breath during the 70 minutes we both were there. No matter what the topic, she just blabbed incessantly. The hosting company reps must have wondered what life at the office would be like if she got hired.)

Finally—and you’re not the only offenders, but better to learn this now rather than later: when you click on the LinkedIn link to make a connection, LinkedIn suggests that you add a note to personalize it.

Do. That.

I stopped accepting connection requests from chicks who can’t even be arsed to say so much as “I saw your details on the spreadsheet for GHC mentors, and I’d like to connect with you.” This isn’t a game of Pokémon Go; you don’t get a prize for racking up the most connections. Behave like a professional so as to encourage other professionals to want to connect. Not rocket science.

And, you know, like that.