Monday, June 10, 2019

Gratitude Monday: next steps


Well, well, well. Life’s a funny old thing, innit?

Last Thursday—the 75th anniversary of D-Day—the head of the program I’m working on came into my office (only the fourth time in the past six months this has occurred) and asked how I was doing. I replied the usual and inquired after herself.

“Not very well,” she said. And the short version is that the program has burned through the several hundred thousand dollars we’ve got in grants, and she’s letting me go.

This is actually not unusual in startup organizations: they’re underfunded and don’t manage what funds they do have, so everything goes to hell and they can’t figure out how to turn it around. We were partly screwed by having a grant proposal in seven figures to the National Science Foundation, which was to have been made late last year, but the government shutdown put it on hold for months. We still haven’t received it. And even if it should show up tomorrow, my manager (whom I’ll call SM) said the best she could do for me was part-time, because she’s “mortgaged” that money, spending it on other things in advance of receiving it, like a wastrel viscount in a Regency novel living riotously on his expectations.

(It’s telling that, while this initiative is truly a worthwhile endeavor, and we are uniquely positioned to make systemic changes in STEM diversity and inclusion, our overall organization has declined to fund it. The few million in startup costs would have been an investment in not only a bold new program that would be self-sustaining in five years, but would also have added immeasurable prestige to the organization. However, this company is nothing if not risk averse, so that’s that.)

I’ve been struggling with my colleagues ever since I was transferred in—while SM specifically asked for me because of my business skills—the two program directors have been nothing but dismissive and disrespectful and uncollegial. (This is not me being super sensitive; others have commented on it as well.) They completely fail to recognize that if this program is not a sustainable business, it will fail. And that I’m the only person who can frame the business strategy, build a revenue model, develop a marketing plan and product manage the complex IT platform that is critical to business operations.

Critical inasmuch as: you cannot launch this program and ask institutions to pay annual subscription fees in five figures without it.

I won’t go into detail, but even on this element—an area in which they have zero expertise and I have more than a decade as a product manager—they hared off to run the buildout themselves. I spoke with SM a couple of times about my concerns in this regard; she nodded and said, “We should have a huddle.” And nothing changed.

So, I just started taking it over. As it stands now, four companies have submitted proposals for the work of documenting the software requirements so we can issue an RFP to build the platform. (I included the colleague I’ll refer to a LW on scoping calls as the programmatic SME. During them he pished endlessly about things that are irrelevant to the discussion, and he waxed expansive on how much money we have in hand—high six figures—to spend on the project. Yes—he told the vendor how much money we have to spend; you heard me hitting my head on my desk at that moment. And he sent the clear message that he was running the show.

Well, I guess he will be…if they ever get the money.

Okay, well, back to D-Day. I asked SM what the timeline was—was I to clear out my desk right then? No, she’d need to work it out with my other colleague, who is (get this) my “acting supervisor”; SM was moved out of managerial responsibilities while I was in Ireland. And the chick who is widely viewed throughout the organization as a loose screw and who actively disrespects my contributions now holds my immediate future in her hands. And she’s currently partly out on some kind of medical leave (which I only knew about because of her out of office email response). SM said she wanted to be “humane”, although I don’t know what her definition of that term is.

For a renowned scientist, SM was remarkably vague, and was clearly more concerned about the program than me. (Fair enough. But without me, they’ll end up having to hire a business strategist, a marketing director and a product manager…if they ever get the money and if my two colleagues haven’t driven the train off the rails by then. They have no pricing strategy and no expertise to build one. Also, without the IT, they have only one of four services to offer, which lowers the retail value considerably. But no longer my problem.) How unconcerned? She didn’t close the door to my office while telling me this.

So why is this sad tale my Gratitude Monday post?

Back in December 2017, when my then-manager announced that the board of directors had decided to defund the innovations program, I’d just got back from my first mini-vacation since I joined the company—a long weekend in Québec City. My first though (before he told me that SM wanted me to work on her program) was, “Oh, no—I’m sorry I spent the money on that trip!” My first feeling was fear.

This time—just having returned from a longer, and more expensive, trip to Ireland—I’m glad I took the trip. I’m not sorry at all that I busted out and invested in my happiness. Because that’s what that journey was: a leap of faith that I can be happy again.

On my Metro ride home Thursday, I thought about all the financial terrors that could lie ahead, and then I remembered I have 401(k) savings. I have a place to live. My car’s locks stopped recognizing the electronic signal on my fob, but the key works fine. I should have made the appointment with the dermatologist, but my insurance will cover me till the end of the month, when COBRA kicks in.

And then I turned my attention to finding my next career stage. A friend I met through infosec Twitter, who’s been helping me all along, kicked into high gear when I told him my situation. I spent Friday sending résumés and skills matrices to connections he gave me in five companies for internal referrals. I’ve set up a meeting for today with a couple of colleagues just to let them know and to ask them to be on the lookout. Even though they aren’t probably connected to the kinds of companies I’m interested in, you never know. I put in for vacation on Thursday and Friday because I’m over the limit of how much I can get paid for when I leave. And I have a video call with a recruiter on Thursday for a product marketing opening.

And I’m reaching out to former colleagues to get the word out, and get introductions. Product marketing and management, preferably infosec, if you're asking.

Look—I have no idea what’s going to happen. And it is scary; not lying to myself or to you about that. But today, oddly, I’m grateful for the opportunity to set out on the pioneer trail again, to find a place that will value me and my contributions. And I’m grateful I took that trip to Ireland and reminded myself of possibilities.

And that’s my Gratitude Monday.




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