Gaming Google

Sometimes I just like to poke things. I refrained this morning from poking the bumble bee that was exploring squash flowers in someone’s garden, but I thought I’d have a go at Google.

Because it’s fun to see what those crazy algorithms come up with as you’re searching for things. I mean, I love auto-complete; it's the online version of getting so stuck on various words in the dictionary that you forget what it was you went there to look up.

Today I thought I’d try those stalwarts of journalistic inquiry, the six honest serving-men of Kipling (from one of my favorite stories, “The Elephant’s Child”).

I keep six honest serving-men

  (They taught me all I knew);

Their names are What and Why and When

  And How and Where and Who.

I send them over land and sea,

  I send them east and west;

But after they have worked for me,

  I give them all a rest.

I let them rest from nine till five,

  For I am busy then,

As well as breakfast, lunch, and tea,

  For they are hungry men.

But different folk have different views.

  I know a person small-

She keeps ten million serving-men,

  Who get no rest at all!

She sends'em abroad on her own affairs,

  From the second she opens her eyes-

One million Hows, two million Wheres,

  And seven million Whys!

So here’s what Google auto-complete suggested for me, when I typed in just the word in each case:

What stories could we make up about these suggestions? For example, is the fox's poop green? Why or why not? Do you measure Madonna's age in human or dog years? What's all the concern about Father's Day, especially a month after the event? Where does hope grow, and do you have to fertilize it?

And, the ultimate question: who did let the dag-blamed dogs out?