Whirlwind tour

Let’s close out the week with a few more visuals from the Kleptocrat’s first foreign trip, in which he sucked up to despotic regimes that support terrorism, pissed off our (possibly former) allies and generally embarrassed us in front of the whole world.

We’ve seen him bonding with leaders of Muslim nations in which he has still undivested business interests, and sticking his foot in his mouth in his photo ops with the Israelis. And there was that lovely moment in Tel Aviv where he tried to show the world how his latest trophy wife can’t get enough of him. And that note for those folks at Yad Vashem telling them how lucky they were to have him stop by.

Well, moving on to Rome for a flying visit with Pope Francis I, we had more unpresidented moments. Debarking from Air Force 1 at the airport, we saw another demonstration of how practiced Melania is at avoiding those tiny hands:

Then there was the photo op with His Holiness and the Klepto Family. Social media was alive with bubble captions for this money shot:

My own paltry addition to the genre:

Kleptocrat: “When does this guy give me the gold necklace?”

Melania: “As God is my witness, if he tries grabbing my hand this time, Imma clip him in the kidney.”*

Ivanka: “Wonder how long I have to wait before I put this outfit up on eBay?”

Kushner: “Gevalt!”**

Francis: “Ohmeyn.”

*Notice her hands—they’re clenched, like she’s expecting to have to Take Action.
**STOP PRESS: I understand that Kushner (and Ivanka, but who cares?) has returned already to the District They Call Columbia, possibly to seek legal counsel on account of the special investigation into collusion between the Gauleiters and Russia has named him a Person of Interest.

No little yearbook messages, but the Pope gave Donnie Two Scoops a copy of his encyclical on climate change. No chance that he or anyone in his administration will read it, though.

(Maybe he’ll toss it to Spicey—who is a practicing Catholic and was by all accounts very much looking forward to the opportunity to meet the Pope. In an act of petty humiliation remarkable even for this jerk—who only measures his own stature by how low he can force others around him—the Kleptocrat brought a random selection of toadies, but left his press secretary behind on Air Force 1.)

Moving on to Brussels (which he has referred to as a hellhole) yesterday to attempt to throw his not inconsiderable fatness around with NATO, he had the assembled leaders from those nations sniggering as the guy famous for stiffing vendors, workers, partners, creditors and American taxpayers demanded that they all need to “pay up”.

(BTW, the occasion for the gathering of NATO leaders was the dedication of a memorial to the victims of the September 11^th attacks, the only time in history that Article 5 of the treaty has been invoked. Stay classy, Klepto.)

The Kleptocrat tried one of his intimidating my-hands-may-be-tiny-but-I’ll-break-yours handshakes on French President Emmanuel Macron. The 39-year-old Macron was prepared for this puerile stunt, and held the tiny hand in a white-knuckle grip for several seconds after the 70-year-old bully had gone limp.

(It may well be that this literal mano a mano contest was payback for an earlier incident where Macron had ignored L'il Two Scoops and greeted other leaders. Eventually the Chaos Monkey couldn't stand it any more, grabbed the hand of the lesser being and tried his usual dominating ape schtick. Payback's a bitch, my short-fingered vulgarian.)

(We're told, BTW, that the traveling dumpster fire assured Macron that he'd never supported his opponent in the recent French election. That would be Marine Le Pen, the right-wing nut job whom he had publicly praised during the campaign. But yesterday it was—and I quote—"You were my guy." I'm sure Macron found that both heartwarming and reassuring. And expressed that gratitude in his handshake.) 

But wait—there’s more. Proving that any class this buffoon has is strictly low, the glory hound literally shoved his way into the front of a cluster of NATO leaders to get full camera coverage. Note the smug look on his orange visage as he gets there.

There were wags on Twitter positing that, with all the revelations about connections between various Gauleiters and Russia over time, the Kleptocrat might order Air Force 1 to put down in some country without an extradition treaty (like Vatican City) and refuse to come back. Or that, what with extreme vetting of criminals trying to enter the country, Immigration wouldn’t let him back in. But I suppose at some point he’s going to come back like a bad penny.

What are the odds, though, that those swell gifts the Saudis gave him will not make their way into the White House inventory, but will end up in some vault on an over-mortgaged estate in New Jersey?