Last of the summer whine

I popped by Trader Joe’s yesterday afternoon to pick up some milk, and I was kind of nonplussed to find the parking lot as full as on the Sunday before Thanksgiving. I mean, it’s not that jumping on Saturday mornings; I barely got a place to park.

(And, seems like all attempts to park between the parallel demarcations were lost somewhere. Honestly—people just splayed their Range Rovers and Kias any which way and abandoned them to go in the store.)

When I got to the checkout, I asked Linda, the cashier, and she said that yesterday was first day of school, so every mom in Reston was apparently taking the chance to shop sans spawn for the first time in three months. I asked if wine sales spiked, and we had a few giggles about Mom opening a second bottle when the little ones came home screeching about all the amazing things that happened at school.

I bring this up, because the BBC published this list of what a certain Kleptocrat might have shared to the class about what he did on his summer vacation. (Of course this twit is on vacation all year round, but we’ll limit it to the last three months for the sake of the construct.)

You have to imagine him standing at the front of the class, hogging the entire show-and-tell time and pouting when the other kids would rather check Instagram than listen to him.

Also—this list doesn’t mention all his golf trips, or bankrupting the Secret Service on account of all the golf trips. Nor does it mention him suiting up for photo ops of him in a completely empty conference room “leading a call” on Hurricane Harvey (totally a product placement for his latest run of butt-ugly trucker hats) while contributing nothing to the mobilization of relief agencies to the scene. 

His vast expanse of pristine table was at Camp David, and it was his first visit to the presidential retreat. My take is that John Kelly, his career USMC chief of staff, frogmarched him there for the weekend to avoid the optics of his fat arse waddling around a golf course while South Texas went under for the third time. He did tweet several times; bizarre non-sequiturs that were focused on what an amazing storm Harvey was (will we at some future time be treated to assurances that he has the best hurricanes, the biggest storms in history?) and yet another reference to how big his 2016 election win was.

He threatened to fly out there today for more photo ops, probably in hopes that he’ll head fake Robert Mueller and his team of investigators who every day are turning up more slime from the Kleptocrat and his minions. As if the people of Texas have not already suffered enough.

Man—I should have bought a half-gallon of wine instead of milk.