Peas in our time

I just do not know about this week—we may be headed for End of Days.

First, the New York Times opens the gates to hell with their recipe for guacamole. Which includes…peas.

Which, I suppose, is only what you can expect from a stodgy old institution in New York City with a great big how-can-we-show-how-trendy-we-are poker up its collective butt. But, seriously—peas in guacamole?

No. Just no.

As the Twitterverse rushed to point out, gracias a Dios. 

But then, hard upon #GuacamoleGate came news that the company that manufactures Bubble Wrap is moving to a product that won’t pop when you press it. They’re calling it (of course they are) iBubble.

What the hell? Seriously—what the all bleeding hell?

Evidently, to save space, the product formerly known as Bubble Wrap will come to the user flat and the user will have to inflate it. Instead of individual cells, therefore, there are long rows of connected air chambers.

Euw. #Deflategate all over again.

I don’t know what people are going to use for therapeutic bubble-popping. They certainly can’t drown their anxiety sorrows in the NYT’s guacamole. Maybe just move straight to margaritas.

Or if cutting limes is too onerous, just a bottle of tequila and a straw. Maybe more than one.