I'll drink to that

This morning at 1000, former FBI director James Comey is scheduled to testify before the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence about matters related to possible collusion between the Kleptocrat’s campaign (and now White House) staffers and various Russian representatives.

Comey, you’ll recall, was suddenly sacked by Donnie Two Scoops a few weeks ago because he refused to stop investigating the connections, or he declined to lie about his investigation, or he was a showboat. You pick.

Since then, the Kleptocrat has toyed with the notion of invoking executive privilege to bar Comey from testifying, but announced with great fanfare earlier this week that he wouldn’t do that. (Probably after his advisers pounded him on the head telling him that if he tried it, he’d look even guiltier than he does now.) He assuaged his wounded vanity, though, by adding that he just might live-tweet a running commentary on the hearing. Because he clearly doesn’t have anything else to do. (Apparently those nearly 500 open high-ranking administration positions will, in fact, nominate themselves in Kleptolandia.) He’s also flung around a variety of tweets about his travel ban, London’s mayor, the Paris agreement, Qatar and other attempts at distracting attention from today’s hearing, which have sent his administration scurrying into frantic damage control, and caused a few resignations.

The most recent example of ham-handedness came on Tuesday, when he had Repugnant senators Marco Rubio (Florida) and Tom Cotton (Arkansas) over for dinner. Both Replicants are on the Intelligence Committee, and neither has anything resembling an actual spine, so it’s not unreasonable to speculate that over chicken nuggets and single scoops of ice cream on their pie they were getting a list of questions to ask today about why leakers aren’t being investigated, and when can Sally Yates be expected to be prosecuted.

Okay, but that’s not what I’m writing about today. Because the nation has risen to the occasion in a way that absolutely gives those of us with three synapses firing in sequence heart: bars are opening early to accommodate those wanting to watch the hearing straight through—with appropriate liquids to wash it down. At least in D.C. they are; probably across the country, too. Maybe even around the world.

There will be breakfast sandwiches, specials on vodka-based cocktails and…drinking games. I’ve found at least two versions online, and I stopped looking early yesterday. Viz.:

One that prefaces the rules by urging players to imbibe responsibly and “refrain from driving, tweeting, or managing a private email server after playing.”

Another that offers such arcane rules that I’m not sure anyone can follow them sober, much less once they’ve started slamming back the Moscow Mules or Stoli shots (c’mon, guys—gotta be vodka for this one).

If neither of these appeals to you, Reddit has a few suggestions. Of course. In my opinion there needs to be special consideration for every Repugnant question that’s an obvious attempt at deflecting from the purpose of the hearing, particularly in light of the completely unsubtle attempts by the White House to subvert the process, and given recent hearings where the Reps went down that weasel hole with Yates and others.

Sadly, I’ll be working, in an environment that doesn’t even condone a little white wine spritzer at its functions. But I’m hoping that this is one congressional action that confers enough of a buzz that I won’t need any distilled substances to augment reality.