Hey there, lonely girl

As if dealing with recruiter-morons who drive you crazy with their gabbling ignorance and incompetency isn’t enough tsuris in the World o’ Tech, now I have Google passing judgment on my life. And finding it wanting.

I was trying rather lackadaisically to build out a Google+ profile for the account associated with this blog. (Oh, like you don’t have multiple Gmail accounts? I’ve got one for each one of my personalities. At least, all the ones I know about. So far.) Really, the only reason I was doing it was to see if I could then determine who gives a post a +1, because the blogging platform tells you someone has, but not who.

Well, to set up your Google+ frisnic, Google demands that you tell them about everyone you could possibly connect with electronically, so they can bombard them with invitations to join [person] on Google+! Which I ignored.

  

Then it insists on you plugging into a bunch of interests, so it can bombard you with “suggestions similar to left-handed quilters of copper pipe-warmers using only blue star-shaped patchwork” opportunities.

I ignored that, too.

Thereupon Google+ informed me that I must be lonely, because I wasn’t ratting out anyone to join the cult. No, seriously—they said, “You might be lonely”.

And you can see which way they want you to turn by which button looks greyed out and which is bright blue with bold type.

Look—subtlety obviously doesn’t pay off in this game.

Well, I clicked on the sad little lonely choice, whereupon they gave me one last chance to “be awesome”.

(Like, how are you supposed to be awesome after they've already branded you as lame?)

That was where I cancelled out of the operation.

And as for using the “L” word, Google: Harsh, dudes. Way harsh.