Rapture rap

This may have escaped your notice—it certainly did mine—but it seems that the End of Times begins tomorrow at 1800 in whatever time zone you’re in. Apparently it’s a rolling doom.

According to Harold Camping, a civil engineer who started a broadcast ministry and thus is eminently qualified to pontificate on matters theological and moral, 21 May 2011 is Der Tag. Those who are saved (not entirely sure of the definition, but it seems limited to Camping’s followers and presumably some other categories of mostly evangelical Christians) will be sucked up into heaven. Everyone else will—well, again I’m not clear on the specifics, but obviously the good times will no longer roll.

The world won’t end, though—that’ll happen six months hence, on 21 October.

Look—I’m not making this stuff up, I’m just reporting it.

Of course, predicting the end-of-the-world/second-coming is a bit of a cottage industry. So far the predictors have, well, got it wrong. Every time. Time after time.

And this includes Camping. He last predicted that Judgment Day would occur in 1994. Evidently his direct pipeline to the Almighty was clogged with some sewage, but he swears he’s got it right this time.

I’m a bit confused as to the 1800 timestamp, though. I mean—God is eternal, right? What does a particular hour matter to him/her? Days, years—those are human structures; arbitrary ones, when it comes down to it. Could God be arbitrary?

And why the staggered implementation? We’re not talking about introducing a new app—first iPhone, then Droid, then Blackberry. Why not instantaneous for all the world?

And how come the Kiwis get to be the vanguard? We in California have to wait something like 17 hours after it starts in New Zealand. Maybe God’s taking the godliest first? From 2300 tonight we have to stand around and…well, I don’t know what we’re supposed to do…while pretty much the rest of the world gets the best seats in the heavenly stadium?

There don’t seem to be any guidelines as to what the non-enraptured are supposed to do. No mention of rending of clothes or gnashing of teeth. Naturally there are plans for parties—a lot of folks ready to celebrate regardless whether it’s the end of the world or a really, really big egg in the face for Camping.

Well—I think it’s at least worth a glass of bubbly.