Nailed to the tree

You know—nothing says Holy Week better than a twice-impeached, four-times indicted on 88 felony charges former president hawking “God Bless the USA” Bibles at $59.99 a pop (plush S&H), thus bringing the practice of simony into the 21^st Century.

This is a guy who cannot quote a single Bible verse; who only appears in churches for campaign photo opportunities and funerals, because services conflict with his own worship, on the golf course. (Although, okay, he has broken most of the Ten Commandments.) So it is seriously cherce to watch the video in which he proclaims multiple times that the Bible is his favorite book and that “religion and Christianity” are what’s missing from this country.

The brown fake-leather cover has “FJB” embossed between two AR-type rifles, in case you were in any doubt about his piety.

This was a day after he wished everyone “Happy Holy Week,” and .shared something allegedly sent to him comparing his travails to the sufferings of Christ during this time. (People all over Twitter offered to give him a chance: die on the cross (or, TBH, just die) and if he rises after three days, okay. I myself would appoint multiple monitors to watch over him for the three days, sticking pins into random places every few minutes before I'd accept that he had actually died. This is not personal, I wanted to do it for Kenny Lay when he evaded prison for his Enron crimes by allegedly dying.)

Anyway, since the crucifixion of Good Friday is the setup for the resurrection of Easter, today we’re having the old spiritual “Were You There When They Crucified My Lord.” I can think of no one better to sing it than Mahalia Jackson.