Midnight in the schoolroom

Spike Milligan is more famous for his long career as an entertainer—actor, comedian, musician on stage and screen—than for his poetry, but it’s mixed in there, along with being a writer and playwright. In keeping with his puckish nature, his poems are generally silly.

We see that in today’s entry for National Poetry Month, where Milligan imagines a sort of Gingham Cat and Calico Dog nocturnal discussion among the letters along a schoolroom wall. It’s a nice respite from everything that’s going on, and harkens back to a day when classrooms weren’t political and ideological battlefields.

Happy days, eh?

“The ABC”

'Twas midnight in the schoolroom
And every desk was shut
When suddenly from the alphabet
Was heard a loud "Tut-Tut!"

Said A to B, "I don't like C;
His manners are a lack.
For all I ever see of C
Is a semi-circular back!"

"I disagree," said D to B,
"I've never found C so.
From where I stand he seems to be
An uncompleted O."

C was vexed, "I'm much perplexed,
You criticise my shape.
I'm made like that, to help spell Cat
And Cow and Cool and Cape."

"He's right" said E; said F, "Whoopee!"
Said G, "'Ip, 'Ip, 'ooray!"
"You're dropping me," roared H to G.
"Don't do it please I pray."

"Out of my way," LL said to K.
"I'll make poor I look ILL."
To stop this stunt J stood in front,
And presto! ILL was JILL.

"U know," said V, "that W
Is twice the age of me.
For as a Roman V is five
I'm half as young as he."

X and Y yawned sleepily,
"Look at the time!" they said.
"Let's all get off to beddy byes."
They did, then "Z-z-z."