Future, delivered

I’ve loved meal delivery services since the 90s, when TakeOut Taxi brought yummies from a variety of restaurants in the environs of the District They Call Columbia. It expanded on the pizza or Chinese delivery from individual eateries, and it was a boon for everything from coming home from work to an empty refrigerator to being able to call for a full dinner as you started cleaning up from a day of home improvement. By the time you got out of the shower and opened the wine, your wonderful dinner was at the door.

TakeOut Taxi went to hell in this century. I don’t know why. Their fees rose at the same time as their service just crapped out. It must have taken 10-15 years for the Uber Eats model to revive the notion of getting whatever you fancy delivered in accordance with some central SLA. The added benefit is using an app, so you don’t have to deal with cash or credit cards.

(Although, c’mon—don’t be a dick. Tip the driver.)

Well, since all these appy things are deemed the purview of Millennials, it’s no surprise that someone (UBS) has done a study, reported in Forbes, that announces that the young’uns are ordering in at a rate of knots. It goes on to posit that if this sort of thing continues, it could mean the Death of Kitchens (and Kitchen Remodelers), Supermarkets, Packaged Food Manufacturers and Life As We Know It.

The implication is clear: Millennials are ruining things again. Which certainly speaks to the clickbait strategy of Forbes.

I found out about this on Twitter (as per usual), from this tweet:

My response to it is that I’m not a Millennial, but as someone who works full days with hourlong commutes tacked on to the beginning and ending of each day, if I could afford to order delivered meals (or even takeout, although I have to say that delivery beats having to drive, park, pick up and schlep home), I’d do it each work night. From a different restaurant every night.

But I can’t. I take my breakfasts and lunches to work because even getting the cheapest possible thing at local “fast-casual” places or food trucks means $10/day, and $50/week is not in my budget. (I take in ground coffee and use a refillable K-cup at the employee-donated Keurig machine; my employer does not provide coffee or tea, and a small coffee at Peet’s, Cosi or any of the other options is still $3.)

So, I pointed out that these kinds of stories are pure rubbish. And if Millennials are feeling murderous, perhaps they could start by taking out Forbes.