Locked down

It’ll be interesting to see how one of Amazon’s new (well, ish) business models plays out. I’m talking Amazon Locker, the ordering option that, instead of having your purchases delivered to your front door, allows you to designate a secure locker (well, I assume it’s secure) in some location that’s presumably convenient, and you can go there to pick it up.

I get it that there are issues around packages left on people’s doorsteps—big enough issues that Amazon has another delivery option for you: Amazon Key. With Amazon Key, if you’re a Prime customer (and I don’t know why you’d order more than twice without being a Prime customer), you can install an Amazon-provided digital lock on your front door. When you have a delivery, the Amazon-authorized delivery person goes through some sort of authentication process and then is able to open your door and leave the package inside your house. You, of course, can follow all this via an Amazon Key app on your mobile phone.

(I’m seriously not wild about this, primarily because of the third-party delivery services ranging from—at best—FedEx, to—at worse—USPS, who delivers the last-mile for UPS in many cases, and does all Saturday/Sunday deliveries. Well, I suppose there’s one possibility even worse than USPS; that would be DHL. But I’m leaving them out of the equation. My point is, these are contractors or sub-contractors, and I would not want them inside my house under any circumstance. I also don’t see how Amazon can guarantee against theft in these conditions. We’re basically talking a TSA-baggage handler finger pointing ring of non-accountability. So, no.)

Well, okay, back to Locker. I bring it up because for me the whole point of paying for home delivery is, you know, home delivery. As in: delivery to my actual home. Not some locker somewhere I have to drive, park, find, unlock, schlep to my car, drive home and then again schlep from my car to my house. For me, it ain’t “delivery” unless it’s delivered. (I became a big Amazon consumer when I lived in a third-floor walk-up in the Valley They Call Silicon. Other things being equal, I’d much rather the UPS guy carry the laser printer, office chair and 40 pounds of bird seed up two flights of stairs instead of me.)

This is especially an issue in urban environments, like the Metro DC area. Just in the Greater Reston-Herndon Metroplex in Fairfax County, going two miles can take 15 to 30 minutes, depending on time of day, high school sporting events, weather and other variables. I don’t see why I should do the work I’m paying Amazon to do. (I also avoid the self-serve supermarket checkout lanes for the same reason. You’re not giving me a discount for doing that, so I’m not doing it.)

Case in point: I saw this one at the Whole Foods store in Vienna, which is about 25 minutes away from me on a Saturday morning with no football games or Christmas fairs.

Let me just say that there is absolutely no value proposition around making me drive to Vienna at any time to pick up a package of cute socks, or an Italian fountain pen, or 40 pounds of bird seed.