Yeah, alright, you knew I’d have some questions about the
SCOTUS Hobby Lobby decision. The majority ruling said it has limited
application, but as near as I can tell, it’s actually opening such a sack of
snakes that it’s going to keep several thousand law firms in Testonis for
decades.
Not to mention filling campaign coffers for
Congressmorons of every political stripe.
Because first of all, the decision (as written by Justice
Samuel Alito) speaks of “closely-held corporations” as essentially humanoid and
being entitled to run their business on the values of their closely-held
owners, including claiming exception to Federal law by reason of closely-held
religious conviction.
But you know—they’re talking about Christian religious
convictions, because the Hobby Lobby owners were objecting to providing
insurance coverage for several types of contraception that they believe (and it
is belief, because scientific definitions pretty much refute their notions)
these devices and medications are abortifacients. And they oppose abortions.
Well, maybe that’s indeed a limited application, because
outside some parts of Pakistan and Africa where Islamist extremists have been
murdering medical teams trying to vaccinate people against polio, it really has
been only Christians who seem to object to 21st Century health
practices. Actually, they’re objecting to 20th Century health
practices.
(Although I imagine there are many aspects of sharia law
that appeal to our Baptist Taliban, so there may be some accommodation down the
road.)
I’m kind of spitballing here, that the Hobby Lobby crowd
are getting their guidance in these matters directly from the Almighty, Who has
somewhere decreed that these forms of contraception are somehow in violation
of…well, the will of God.
So I therefore find it really interesting that Hobby
Lobby (and therefore presumably God) is totally down with vasectomies. Oh—and Viagra.
Well, what’s up (um) with that? Because I’d have thought
that erectile dysfunction was pretty much God’s way of telling you your
shagging days are over. And therefore taking anything for it is interfering in
God’s will. Big time.
(I worry that the God of Hobby Lobby seems overly concerned with a voyeur's view of women's sexual activities. Like some omnipresent-but-not-omniscient omnipotent-yet-impotent Hugh Hefner. Am I the only person creeped out by that?)
(I worry that the God of Hobby Lobby seems overly concerned with a voyeur's view of women's sexual activities. Like some omnipresent-but-not-omniscient omnipotent-yet-impotent Hugh Hefner. Am I the only person creeped out by that?)
Or what about antibiotics? They screw with biological
destiny, don’t they? They kill off little lives in their millions; how come
they’re okay? Oh, only human life in its most rudimentary cellular form is of concern?
Okay.
Well, what if you’re prescribed antibiotics because you
have some kind of sexually-transmitted disease? Seems to me that curing the
clap ought to be a clear no-no, because good Christians, engaging in “legitimate”
sex (c.f., Todd Akin, R-Mo., and “legitimate rape”) surely would not be visited
with an STD, right? So any kind of, you know, condition of questionable
provenance is going to be on the non-coverage list.
And how long after that comes stoning adulterous women,
honor killings and bride burnings? Because those are all deeply-held religious
values also.
Why wouldn't "closely-held corporations" -- essentially humanoid -- be able to claim exceptions to federal law? They've been practicing exceptions since Citizens United granted them humanoid status and let them start buying elections to maybe long-term change those silly, pesky laws. Tsk, tsk, tsk, equal rights have to apply to humanoid forms and their boards of directors.
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