Fast times

Britain’s The Telegraph has pretty much raised the practice of writing obituaries to a high art. You know you’re in the groove when they collect your stuff and sell them in book form. Multiple volumes’ worth.

It was the Torygraph’s obit of Elizabeth Taylor that I used to anchor my thoughts on that classy dame, and you can easily spend hours just clicking through their various retrospectives. Makes a nice change from the quasi-literate stuff a lot of news outlets pump out these days.

A few days ago a friend forwarded this obituary of a bloke I’d never heard of, but whom I wished I’d stood next to at a bar after reading it. I mean—the guy’s a cat burglar, for crying out loud. I didn’t even know we still had cat burglars—although, I suppose one could infer, with this obit, that we don’t, that it’s a dying trade. Like carriage makers, or pocket calculator manufacturers.

Well, the thing that struck me about this piece was the phrase “flashy cars and fast women”. And I wondered, Are those modifiers interchangeable? Could it be “fast cars and flashy women” and still mean the same thing?

For that matter, what, exactly is a fast woman? Is being a fast woman a good thing? Does your answer to that depend on whether you're a woman or a man? Is there such a thing as a fast man? If so, does it carry the same connotations as the female designation? Is calling some chick a “fast woman” equivalent to saying “she’s no better than she should be”? If so, how good should she be?

(Sidebar inquiry: why is it you never hear anyone remark, “He’s no better than he should be”?)

In “Early Mornin’ Rain”, Gordon Lightfoot tells us, “The liquor tasted good and the women all were fast.” I have a feeling that this doesn’t refer to their mental acuity.

Either way, I’m thinking I don’t qualify. I find this oddly dispiriting.

I’m betting that fast women may or may not come to good ends; but their passing will be noted in The Telegraph.