A scoop of the past

I was somewhat sad to hear that Friendly’s filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy last week.

Friendly’s is a—well, it’s a  down-market chain of restaurants with an emphasis on ice cream.

And they had me at “ice cream”.

But it seems they’re caught between the fast-food and sit-down market segments and just haven’t been able to capture much of either.

I freely admit to having contributed very little to the Friendly’s bottom line. I believe the first time I went to one was in Lexington, Mass. It didn’t impress me; we might have had a “meal” there, or it might have been just dessert. And the last time was in Gettysburg, Penn., when it was definitely just ice cream.

But my most vivid memory of them is going to the Friendly’s that was in Herndon, Va. I’d just moved to the area and my friend Carol Ann and I went there for sundaes, which we got from the take-out window. We sat on the grassy slope in front of the restaurant along Elden Street, in the summer evening, eating ice cream and hot fudge, and just talking about…this and that.

I suppose you could get the same experience from a McDonald’s or a Jack-in-the-Box. But you’d have to do it on plastic or tarmac.

Ugh.

Taking the cake

I still don’t get the whole cupcake thing. I mean, I don’t see how you can make a living selling nothing but overpriced cakelets. (& the ones I had in Seattle—brought round by the department admin to celebrate some non-event back in the days before budgets were a burden—were truly gagworthy.)

But here’s something that boggles the mind even further: shops that sell nothing but bundt cakes.

I was walking around the neighborhood surrounding the Sunnyvale Public Library a month or so ago & came across this:

& then, at the Mountain View Arts & Wine Festival, the store had a booth:

I tasted two of their samples. They were as ghastly as the Seattle cupcakes. Plus, I think I went into insulin shock; I mean—we’re talking serious sugar here.

There are evidently franchises available if you’re looking to get out of the corporate rat race. Just because I don’t get it doesn’t mean there are at least 16 potential customers who might.

When the meeting actually pays off

A while ago a friend of mine sent me this pastiche of elevated terrorist alert warnings. She’s right—it has been around before, but it’s worth running again.

Last week, in fact, one of my standing meetings at work turned out to have no new information to process (it’s order assurance, in case you’re interested; I’m not explaining what “order assurance” is), so the two other people on the call started riffing jokes, first one, then the other. I hauled out this one to read aloud and ended up laughing so much I was leaking tears.

So, I hope it brings you as many giggles as it did Chris, Henry and me:

Current security levels:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!" Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled".  So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Every body to get from street...

Last Thursday in the Silicon Valley the news of the death of Steve Jobs competed with the taking down of a gunman who killed three coworkers at a local quarry.

And by “taking down” I mean “shot full of holes and dead, dead, dead.”

The interesting thing to me is that I first found out about it via a voicemail from the local authorities on my landline, alerting all local residents that the alleged perp had been spotted in my neighborhood. The VM included a description of the suspect and his car.

That was the first time I’ve ever had one of those emergency calls. And buildings on both Apple and HP campuses were locked down on account of the local sightings. I will also say that I was really careful about having to take out my trash that evening.

The other interesting thing to me is that the cops blew the guy away in a house about a mile and a quarter away from me.

Maybe there is a reason why my renters’ insurance went up $200 when I moved from San José to here…

Global communication

In case you’re in need of expressing yourself both forcefully & non-verbally, I give you this collection of international rude gestures from The Atlantic.

They may be of particular use if you, like me, spend a lot of your working day on conference calls.

Just make sure that you’re not sending video. I not only turn off the capability, I’ve taped over the web cam on my laptop & blacked out the tape.